I feel really emabarrassed even posting this, but I realise that all the Googling in the world isn’t going to magically turn up an answer for me. Basically, I really love music – a lot! I don’t play any instruments but I listen to it all day long, take my iPod everywhere, usually have it going if I’m home alone, in the the car, whatever. What I’d really like to do is *sing* with the songs I love (even my username comes from Lenne from Final Fantasy X-2 who’s a singer :p) but…

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but it just won’t come out. It’s like I’m too scared to make a sound at all and end up just mouthing along with the words, even when I can feel the strength of the emotion welling up in me and wanting to burst out. I suspect part of the reason is that I’m used to being quiet at home and not making much of a noise. It’s always just been me and my mother (we don’t have much in common…) and I’ve always felt like I need to be out of the way and not being a nuisance since “life is hard for a single mother” and blah blah blah and I think over the years the need to suppress and control any emotional outbursts or expressions to avoid creating upsets in the house (she used to have the ugliest outbursts over small things when I was a child and directed them directly at me; there was no else i could turn to; she does not do it as much these days, but she’ll still give me the cold shoulder for days/weeks over nothing) has been so indoctrinated in me I don’t know how to function normally anymore. SIgh. It’s gone a bit off-topic…

Basically, I’m concerned about this. You hear about people being scared to sing in front of people but not of singing in general. Worrying about how much I’ll probably suck is also not helping. I hate this so much; I just really want to give voice to the passions within me…