Hi Bonnie,

I know the feeling you are having and I also know so many wonderful women out there have the same feeling about themselves as you. First of all I would like to tell you that you are a wonderful and beautiful person and deserve honest and true love in your life. This is a fact and this is what you should think about yourself and repeat that every morning when you wake up! 🙂 I’m doing it myself and it works, it makes me feel more relaxed when it comes to relationships and makes me feel positive about myself. It seems that I cannot find the right one and every time I meet someone new it just goes in a bad and deceiving way. But what I realized is that through my bad perceiption of myself I attracted those situations in my life that would just confirm what I was already thinking. If I look back now and realistically look at the guys I chose, I can see that it was not meant to be from the beginning. It is really true that you are what you think you are and therefore attract exactly what will resonate with that thought or believe.

I am still not in a relationship, but I know feel fine about it, because I learned how to love myself just the way I am and that begins with treating myself with respect and to don’t allow anyone to do me no harm, to say no if it is needed and to release persons of my life who are not positive for me. It is not easy in the beginning but with time you will feel that you are free, when you clean up your life from negativity, from wherever it comes from and speak up for yourself; Try to indentify if you are acting in the way you want to act or if you are doing things that are expected from you. These are the steps to give love to yourself, treat yourself well just the way you want to be treated, don’t accept things that don’t feel right just for the sake of beeing with someone and you will see the more self respect you build up, the more self confidence will shine through you and will attract different kind of people and experiences and the negative voices in your head will stop. These voices are not you! They can come from former situations where we were hurt. I went to a healing session where we tryed to find out where these negative voices inside of me came from and the thing is to try to remember where we first had that feeling, try to remember who gave us that feeling in the first place and to forgive and release it. I’m not a fan of medication because it does not treat the root problem and what worked for me was to beeing able to talk to someone trained in Theta Healing, so I could release it and stop the program that was running inside of me.

But it always starts with changing your thoughts. Imagine the perfect love situation , in all details and how it feels to be truly loved and feel secure. Repeat that as often as you can and also don’t forget to feel thankful for that as well, just as if it is already there. What I did was also to have a little corner in my room where I burn a candle every night and to feel thankful for all that is positive in my life and for that love that will come my way and to send a mental message to the one that I am ready to meet him and give him my love. Paint a picture, put a photograph on your wall, write a song or a poem about it…Whatever helps you to visualize it , just do it! 🙂

If you like you can buy yourself a rose quartz, which is a very gentle healing crystal that will help heal wounds of your heart and let go of negativity.
I wish you all the best and that love shines on your way ! You can get there! if you don’t believe in yourself , who else will do then? 🙂
Namaste

Hi Bonnie,

I’m 37. And I spent most of my life feeling sick of feeling this way – insecure, a loser, a failure, unworthy of being loved. This is in spite of a very successful career, buying my house independently, having made lots of friends and looking back, a very good life. Do you know what made me not feel like a failure anymore? Losing all of it, ironically! I got made redundant, I had to rent out the house, and start up a whole new life abroad, where I am building a business from scratch. And I don’t have friends anymore, but I can’t wait for the business to get going. See something blossom.

I realized that all my insecurities were actually just a product of the environment I was living in. And because I threw myself into work, social life, and underlying memories of a horrible childhood, I never took time out for myself to just be who I would like to be without the frame of reference. No matter how much your family and friends and work colleagues care about you, you have to realize that they are always comparing you to themselves or other people. It’s a stupid thing we do that ruins all the fun stuff – just being able to accept who we are and accept others for who they are too.

So suddenly my old life went – and where I was once colleague, I am now just acquaintance. Where I was once just ex-girlfriend/good friend, I am now off in the distance. And all the insecurities I had I realized were just framed by what other people thought of me. But once their opinions were no longer relevant, neither were my insecurities.

As we get older, the luckier among us get to grips with the fact that what other people think of you is none of your business. All it means to be human is to feel good about yourself, and do your damndest to make others feel good about themselves. That’s it. Stay away from those who make you feel even subtly insecure – because they are just using you to make themselves feel good about themselves. It’s a silly game really, but once you can see how people play it, you realize you don’t need to play it anymore. Wear the clothes YOU feel comfortable in. Do the activities YOU like doing. Know yourself inside out – know the kinds of things that make YOU smile and feel secure, and in time, you will attract the sort of people who believe in you as much as you believe in yourself. It’s taken me 37 years to realize this, but I’m lucky.

It takes a little audacity to decide to be happy with yourself. For me, it felt a bit ridiculous at first. I even felt guilty! Get over those awkward feelings of being able to be happy with yourself, and you’ll be alright. You’ll see other people more clearly. You’ll like people a lot more, because you’ll know they’re just insecure too!