Dear Chez:

Moving makes sense because as is, “debts are mounting”, but once you sell your house and move, you will be debt free. You will carry some pain with you to your new place, but not the pain of being in debt- less pain to carry with you.

Plus, if you like the sea, listening to the waves crashing on the shore as you walk barefoot on the sand, if you enjoy it, will make you feel better, especially if you make a routine of it; maybe taking a daily  fast walk (aerobic exercise) on the shore or elsewhere, will make you feel better every day.

Because your son is moving with his girlfriend and your daughter is planning to move as well, this is a perfect opportunity.

With no debt and the sea, you can do the inner healing work that you need to do.

“I always felt my life is like a rollercoaster”- I would like to read more from you about the rollercoaster life you’ve had, how and why. If you’d like to share, of course.

anita

Dear Chez:

You are welcome.

* In the past, you were afraid to leave a job you had for 15 years, gathered the courage, hoping for a better future, left that job, but the result: you ended up in a job that you don’t like and where you feel bullied most of the time (“I bravely took a new job… I don’t like it at all and feel bullied most of the time”) –

-your bravery didn’t pay off and resulted in a worse job experience.. so bravery is not always the right choice.

* As a result of relationships ending in your life, a divorce before, and “Another relationship has broken down”- you are lonely, but you are afraid that if you move, you will end up even lonelier, in a worse social situation (“end up lonelier than I already feel”).

It is possible that you will be lonelier if you move.

* “one of the reasons for staying is to be near (daughter)… My son and her just want me to be happy, I have felt an unwavering responsibility for my children even as adults, to the point of jeopardizing my own happiness”-

– from personal experience I know how important it is for a child (minor age and often adult age as well) to see her/his mother happy, it is almost crucial for a child to see her mother happy and devastating to see her mother miserable.

If your daughter and son are aware that you are and have been unhappy and lonely for a long time, and if you moving means that your daughter/ son will see their unhappy mother less often, it may be better for them if you do move. In other words, if you moving will lead your children to think that you are happier as a result, then your move will be the right choice for you to make.

anita