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Should I Let Go or Stay?

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  • November 9, 2016 at 4:54 pm #120019
    Megan B.
    Participant

    I have been through my first breakup recently. We broke up a little over two months ago. I felt like he was a guy who I could have relied on and I really loved him. I know he loved me not only because of the way he made me feel but also his actions. I got dumped because I was “too caring”. I understand he is upset with other things going on in his life right now and I do not feel as if it is fair to move on and leave him. The only thing that is really wrong is the way he is treating me now. He does not talk to me at all and if he does it is something very very rude. I do not know how I should feel or what I should do. Everyday it does not get easier for me to realize that I lost my best friend and lover, it feels like it gets harder. I understand that being young like we are means that there is a lot ahead for both us, therefore I know our breakup is not the end of the world. Knowing something and trying to convince yourself of something are two completely different tasks. It is funny because I feel as every person should experience heart break and I am honored to have my first love be my first heart break. I guess what I am asking is what should I do. And how does one get over a heartbreak?

    November 9, 2016 at 6:36 pm #120022
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear meganb:

    “How does one get over a heartbreak?”

    Here are suggestions:
    *since he is presently rude to you, stop interacting with him so you don’t have more hurt on top of hurt.
    *If you give up hope of getting back together, you will be able to grieve and with some time leave this in the past.
    *Talk and socialize with people. Talk about the ended relationship, about your feelings, meet with people, go out (but do not jump into a replacement relationship).
    *Write poems of your ended love story while listening to music (?)
    *exercise (a fast 30 minute walk per day outside will do wonder for you, I say!)

    By the way, what did he mean by you being “too caring”?

    anita

    November 13, 2016 at 5:21 pm #120296
    Megan B.
    Participant

    anita,
    By too caring I meant that I was always being too caring. Haha that sounds weird but that is what it is. For example I would ask him how his day was every night and that was evidently too caring. If he needed anything then I would have gone out of my way to help him. I have always been caring to everybody that I meet because I really believe that if we were to all treat others in a kind manner then the world will be a better place. Thank you for your advices. I have been doing most of the items in your list. I am avoiding him as much as possible. For example taking another walking route so I do not have to see him, etc. The one thing that I feel that I am really struggling with is to give up hope of getting back together. Part of me feels like I really need to for me but the other half of me does not want to for the relationship we had. Thank you again!

    November 13, 2016 at 5:38 pm #120298
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear meganb:

    Giving up hope is tough. Do hope for a good, loving relationship with a man who will also be like you, “too caring, a man who believes, like you, that “if we were to all treat others in a kind manner then the world will be a better place.”

    This quote could be in a profile you put together on a respectable dating site, if you choose to go that route.

    anita

    November 17, 2016 at 6:45 am #120562
    Jessy Mae
    Participant

    Dear Megan,

    Oh my dear, the pain you’re going through now is real and only time will help. In this case it might be best to leave him be and move on with your life, as difficult as I know this is. Take your time getting over him before trying again, but don’t wait too long. With that being said, I do have some advice for you, if you’re open.

    What you’ve described as caring a man is going to see as smothering, especially early in a relationship. That turns a man off faster then pouring water on a fire. Men like to pursue. They like to be the one taking care of their woman. It gives him genuine pleasure and happiness to do this. It also keeps him interested in you when you have a life outside of him. So for your next relationship don’t be the one texting him all the time. Let him text you first. Make a game of it with yourself. See how long you can hold out before you text him and see if he texts you first. TRUST me, he will. Sometimes it can take a day or so, but if he’s interested he WILL. Your kindness to him is letting him chase you. It makes him feel like a man, and he will love you for it.

    Don’t give up hope, just realize that men and women are different and with that understanding you can change your approach and find happiness. Above all though, find things that you enjoy doing by yourself that you don’t need a man for. Don’t wait for him. Love yourself and the right man will come into your life.

    Blessings & Love,
    Jessi

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