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should i leave him?

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  • December 22, 2018 at 11:45 am #270465
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Cranberry

    I sympathise with the position you’re in. I don’t know if my advice is helpful but it seems to me that he’s a bit immature? I can see how his comments are causing upset, i think you should ask him if it was the other way around (and you mocked him about cheating or posted online about older men) how he would feel?

    ive been in relationships where I’ve been more committed to my partner than they have been to me. I’ve also been in relationships where it’s been the other way around – both can be horrible in different ways.

    Communication may solve your problems, but I think the universe will make it clear to you if this is a person you’re meant to be with. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not. If he is sweet and caring like you said above, I think there’s something there to hold onto. Talk to him, make yourself a priority and if his comments really get to you don’t just put up with them. You’re important, you deserve to be happy. Anything less than that isn’t serving you.

    Keep strong xx

    December 22, 2018 at 12:40 pm #270473
    pseudonym
    Participant

    Seems like either he has an odd sense of humour (I sincerely hope he is just being light hearted/joking) or he is very disrespectful. I cant imagine saying those things to a girlfriend. Only you will know if he’s serious or just joking but if he’s serious then I would question his sincerity. I am older though and the youngsters of today are a total enigma to me so maybe if he is younger (you dont say how old you are) possibly just he doesn’t realise how inappropriate that is.

    I’ve been married for 16 years to a woman I love deeply and was dating for 14 years before we married and even today if I got a message from her I would reply that moment or the very earliest I got the chance and certainly not wait until after I had posted on social media.

    Having said that I’m here because I am looking for advice on how to cope with the fact that she recently told me she wants a separation as I have apparently messed everything up for which she now resents me so much she cant even find it in herself to be civil to me. Seems being devoted to her and thinking only of her for 30 years qualifies as “messing everything up”!

    Anyhow, back to your post….. Its nice he also showers you with affection and does those things that are kind and clearly you appreciate but I personally think someone who really cares about another wouldnt say the other things he does.

    December 23, 2018 at 6:43 am #270545
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cranberry:

    The advice you gave to another member August  2017 is a good advice for you to take, with some adjustment because  you wrote then after a breakup and currently you are still in a relationship (maybe at the time  you attended therapy which was helpful to you, and  if so, it is time to  go back!):

    “I think of him all the time and  even though he’s told me he doesn’t love me anymore I still get  thoughts of hope.  But I’ve learned to realize that those  thoughts don’t help me. I  try to rewire how I think. I tell myself he  isn’t coming  back and that I’m still going to be okay.I decided to be my friend because no one can truly be there for you like you can…You are a strong individual and you can get through this… Also you don’t have to feel ashamed or embarrassed to speak to your therapist, it is their job to help…

    Figure out what is it that  you want from life other than the  love of another person and make  it your goal to achieve it! When the time is right  someone who is meant for you will come  into your life”.

    anita

     

     

    December 30, 2018 at 8:52 pm #271575
    Michael Smith
    Participant

    Cranberry

    Anyone who talks about being someone else whilst with you really isn’t worth your time.

    I’m sorry but this man seems as though his main focus changes on a regular basis. When he’s with you it’s you but then when away it switches.

    We all deserve someone who puts us at the top of their priorities and this is not it.

    My best

    Michael.

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