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Should I give up?

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #97696
    Carrie
    Participant

    Hi,
    I’m a college student and I went to a rave a couple weeks ago. There, I spent my entire time with a friend that I had feelings for previously. During out time together, he kept professing how he thought I was cute and fun to be around. We agreed to hang out after the event.
    However, a week after, we still hadn’t talked, so I mustered the courage to ask him to hang out with me. Due to his scheduling conflicts, we decided to postpone the date. But because it was a conflict on his end, I decided to not bug him about it since he may be busy.
    It’s been a week since we decided to reschedule and he still hasn’t contacted me about it.
    I’m considering just giving up and believing that it was just a one time thing. However, even before our interaction at the rave, I felt a deep chemistry between us.
    So my main question is, should I contact him again about rescheduling or should I just wait? And if he never contacts me about rescheduling, should I just give up?
    Thanks

    #97699
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Carrie,

    I would contact him again about re-scheduling. I don’t see any harm in that.

    If he doesn’t respond in the next 24 hours. I would delete his number. I apologize in advance, as I’m no expert at these things but that’s how I would handle it, if I was in your shoes.

    If he happens to contact you out of the blue in the near future, then it’s under your discretion on how you want to go about that.

    Does this advice help?

    M.

    #97754
    Eris
    Participant

    Hi Carrie

    It sucks when this happens. As far as I know it happens to most single girls at some point. If he is interested in having an active relationship with you he will get in touch. Get in touch one more time to reshedule so you feel you did everything you could to allow something to develop but if its still doesn’t happen then he doesn’t have space or time for you in his life right now. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t think you are cute and nice or even that he doesn’t feel a connection to you but that if he does he doesn’t have space or time in his life for you.

    If the last attempt at resheduling doesn’t work then let him go and wish him well (in your head and heart) and make space for someone who does have time and space for you πŸ™‚

    The most annoying thing about that book ‘He’s just not that into you’ is that its true (so unfair!)

    hugs

    eris

    #97818
    Matty
    Participant

    G’day Carrie,

    During out time together, he kept professing how he thought I was cute and fun to be around

    Did you end up giving him a call?

    Otherwise, from my perspective maybe he is quite shy and in that time and space he felt comfortable enough to say ‘something’ rather than ‘nothing’. I ended up in an uncomfortable position with a woman whom kept putting herself down, ‘i’m stupid’ ‘i’m not as pretty as her’ stuff like this, and i just supported her for that time saying you not stupid and quite pretty. These weren’t hollow words, every woman has the right to feel beautiful, and she was pretty. But i didn’t have the ‘romantic’ attachment that she thought i had. Words are powerful beyond measure, not because they ‘mean’ things, but because they mean things to different people at different times, places with their own perceptions.

    Although you feel a connection, it could be that he literally thinks your cute and fun to be around. Maybe he feels that your comfortable to be around as a friend or just an acquaintance. Also you agreed to ‘hang-out’…..if you want to hang-out (IMO) it’s like as friends or just two people hanging out keeping each other company. Whereas a ‘date’ sends the message that your into each other. You want to know more about each other, to see if you could be good company for each other. If you call/ text and he declines or postpones he is non-committal and if you ever wanted a relationship this ‘trait’ would exist. Don’t say ‘give-up’, just move on. Chock it down to experience and keep chugging along.

    Keep us updated (if you want) πŸ˜‰
    Sincerely,
    Matty

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Matty.
    #97933
    Carrie
    Participant

    Thank you for your responses!

    So I did end up asking him to reschedule, and as of now, we’re having a lot of difficulties finding a time where the two of us are available because our schedules conflict. We’re already looking into a week or two in advance and we haven’t been able to find some time to spend together.

    So at this point, I’m not exactly sure what to do. It seems like he kinda wants to give up on the rescheduling because it’s been so frustrating trying to find a time that works for the both of us.

    What should I do?

    #97944
    Matty
    Participant

    Carrie,

    We’re already looking into a week or two in advance

    You can continue to try to find time for each other, but it seems that it’s not the right time now to even go on a date, let only start a relationship with someone (if it led to that). You don’t even have enough time for yourselves. If he wants to give up, then you can’t force him to do otherwise. You seem more invested in him, then he does in you. This would not be a mutual relationship. Whether you want to move on or not is up to you (you’re not giving up, you tried, giving up is when you quit before you saw something through). TO me, it seems as if you are regretting something that hasn’t even happened yet. You think if you move on now, it would be a mistake. You can’t regret something that a) was out of your control and b) never happened in the first place. Seriously ask yourself:
    What do i really like about him?
    Do i only like him because he called me nice things?
    Could i realistically make time for him? Could he for me?
    Is it worth it?

    Obviously the course you take is your own and no one would judge you for following your gut.

    Sincerely,
    Matty

    #97969
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Honestly Carrie,

    None of you have kids and even the people who do have a bunch of kids, run a business, work and or lead a busy life. Or even go to school full time. Always find time in their day to go out to eat somewhere. There shouldn’t been any excuse to have to wait 1-2 weeks just to sit down somewhere for an hour or two with someone. Anyone who has to wait 1-2 weeks just to meet up with someone, there is something really wrong with this picture. I’d just let it go and move on, unless you are ok with that, which seems like you’re not and that’s completely ok because that is not normal of any person whether it’s being busy with work, school, kids, job and school. People always can find the time in between, regardless of how busy their schedule is. It’s more about, if they believe you’re worth their time. If it were me, I’d be like ” Okay, I guess you really aren’t that interested in meeting/seeing me.” I’ll be on my way then, cause I sure wouldn’t want someone to feel obligated to see me. Let alone feel sorry for me, in order to see me. Not cool at all… I would never allow anyone to treat me as an option of, let’s get together in 1-2 weeks. Romantic or not. Unless you live out of state, then I completely understand the waiting that long to see someone.

    Carrie you deserve someone who’s willing to make the time for you and wants to hun.

    Have a beautiful day today and let us know how you are doing. πŸ™‚

    Sending lots of love, positivity and light your way.

    M.

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