Hi Anita,

My mom actually invited him over for NYE. I let him know. On NYE day she was sloppy drinking very early and so me and my brother decided to change plans. I decided I would go with my brother to his girlfriends family house. I mentioned this to my beau, and he got upset thinking I was avoiding the idea of him meeting my mom which I wasn’t. I didn’t want her to be belligerent around him for his first time meeting her, so I offered the alternative of him coming w me to my brothers gf house and he got upset. Following that conversation, he got mad that I didn’t come pick him up from work. I too was snappy with him about him bringing it up. I believe this catalyzed the whole issue.

update: we spoke today. I asked is it was a good time to talk? No pressure. He asked what was up and I said I was wondering that, then he asked me to leave him alone. I said I only asked because in prior conversation he said he would speak to me later but we didn’t, so I wasn’t sure if we were speaking or if I needed to get my things. He said he would pack my things for me, and he did

Hi Anita,

I don’t think he was actively listening. In fact, that entire evening I found his behavior on the phone to be demanding, then immediately followed by pulling away and saying  “it’s cool” or “it’s straight.” I’d like to also mention that at one point, he did call around 6pm when I was cooking with my family. I let him know I was gonna finish baking the rolls and would call him back. Time did get away from me and an hour later he called back quite upset. I apologized for getting caught up, but it was then that he started to tell me he was feeling like a “second option” because I decided to visit my godmother for NYE after he kept changing his mind about spending time with me. He repeatedly changed his mind about going out, to staying home, to wanting me to visit, etc. Then apologized for directing his anger at me.

I think most times he’s a good listener. I’ve seen him upset before and he still was, but last weekend and on Tuesday showed me he can be impatient with me. I think you had a point.

The resolving conflicts part is very important. In my dealings with him, I would often want to talk about the conflict right then, whereas he may avoid it and become bitter or salty later on

I’m making that something I’m aware of in the future and start adjusting how snappy or impulsive when someone else upsets me! Thank you so much Anita