I truly believe that everyone we meet serves a purpose in our life. I met a girl once that I fell in love with. We had a short relationship but it’s not long before she found another. It was painful, sure. I didn’t realize it at the time but this experience was necessary for me. The pain of this break up encouraged me to go on adventures, travel to unknown places, meet strange people, try out strange foods, learn new skills. I wouldn’t have known I love to make things out of wood and garden if it wasn’t for my break up haha. Looking back now, I’m happy at the way things turned out. I wouldn’t change a thing.

For you, I think this person is there to teach you a lesson on strength and courage. From the description, he sounds like a manipulative person, a functional sociopath, only saying things his target wants to hear in order for them to like him. It seems as though it’s working on you. But it’s not your fault, or his. Sociopathic behaviors are like storms, they just happen. So, my advice is to use this situation to beef up your fortress (Strength and Courage) to wither the storm. Have the strength to see through his illusions and the courage to live a life without this person.

Good luck!

Dear jade green:

Am I understanding correctly: he told you that the relationship with his ex girlfriend was over two months before he met you while in reality the relationship with her ended while he was in a relationship with you but a week before you and him became sexual?

If I understand correctly, I don’t see this relationship as a lost cause. It is unfortunate of course, that he lied to you but his saving grace- in my mind (of course, YOUR mind is what counts in your life)- is that the relationship with her was over BEFORE you and him became sexually involved.

If he has been a good man and partner to you and is a decent man otherwise, then this may be a part of the Human Imperfection we have to accept. It may be too big of an issue to you, so you decide of course what is an acceptable imperfection for you.

Hope you post again: I will be glad to communicate with you further on the matter.

anita

Well, I don’t know. I was the “other woman” once as well, but in this case I know *exactly* why this was and why the guy left me for her. I know therefore that I could give him another chance if, if, and if.

About virginity, however. I know some believe there is an angry god in the sky waiting to punish them to hell fire eternal if they have sex with someone they’re not married to. I don’t happen to share this belief, but everyone’s beliefs are their own.

In my case, however, I had a TERRIBLE case of endometriosis, which caused me to need both ovaries and my uterus removed at age 35. Which wouldn’t have been such a big deal, I guess, if I hadn’t waited to have sex until I was 32.

I know we all think, kids are 16, 17, 18, there’s plenty of time for that, wait, wait, wait, wait. But the truth is that life goes by in the blink of an eye. The fact is that when you are in your twenties, that is when your body looks its best, feels its best, and works the way it’s supposed to. If you are going to have endometriosis or some other female problem, it tends to start when you hit your thirties. If you wait too long to have sex, then when you are finally able to have it your body may not function as it should, especially if you have never had an orgasm and now you have to learn at the ripe old age of 35 or something. Then we women hit menopause and perimenopause, and sexual desire goes way down, tissues get dry and thin, and things don’t work the way they should anymore. Your joints start to hurt. Your stomach is huge, you get cramps “during” when you didn’t before, and who knows what other health problems may come up.

Believe it or not, one day we will all reach that age when health issues come up and we will discover that, like it or not, we have had or enjoyed sex for the very last time we ever will. It happens sooner if you are a female, and for some of us a whole lot sooner than we would like. Some of us “waiting til marriage” may never get married, or if we finally do, may find that it’s only a few short years and then our sexual lives are over.

So think about that, before making such a huge deal about virginity. I was raised religious and when it was all said and done, the man I eventually married didn’t give a crap whether I was a virgin or not and neither did I. But now that I am almost fifty, I see where female problems threaten to cut my sex life short, and I am very grateful when things work as they should and I know the time is coming soon when they won’t anymore. So, think about that, and put it in perspective.

Dear jade green:

Congratulations for making your decision. You wrote that you: ” told him that I ‘want’ to forgive him. A part of me was breaking as I said “-

This is what I understand from your latest post: you decided to forgive him but you know that to forgive him is not a one-time event. It is and will be a process that will take time and effort on your part- and will require his patience and understanding.

You decided to forgive him, that is, you expressed to him your willingness to forgive him. Of course, you wish to no longer feel your hurt and anger. And maybe he wishes too, that there will be no more hurt and anger on your part. But there is and will be, for a time to come. And so, this issue is not over yet.

There are consequences to actions. He lied to you so to keep it and therefore he will pay the price. The price he has to pay is not losing you, at this point, but that he has to endure your hurt, your (non-abusive) anger. He has to support you through your process of forgiving him.

And through this process he has to not lie to you, he has to earn more and more of your trust.

Do post anytime.

anita