Hello everybody,

I’m was in a relationship with this girl for a few months (2,5 to be exact). Before we starting dating she was amazing, flattering, interesting and overall a great girl, but not long into our relationship some things that worried me started showing up. I have listed them to make it more manageable:

1) She is jealous.
She went through my phone when we were out and she was drunk (I don’t know whether this has anything to do with her only having the courage to do so when she is drunk).
Whenever I’m out with a friend of mine that is female she would ask how ‘my date’ went.
When I’m out without her, her last text to me before going to bed is “sleep alone”.
Finally, I once had to e-mail an old flame of mine an essay I wrote on a topic that she was interested in, and as I sat on the computer besides my girlfriend, she asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was about to send an essay to a friend of mine and her first follow up question was: “Did you sleep with her?” I answered yes as it was the truth and because I didn’t want to lie to her or cover anything up.

Let me just add to this that her mother cheated on her father when she was nine years old. Her mother left the father to marry the guy she was having an affair with and she is still married with him today. For the reference my ex is 23 today, I am 24. I have no idea if this has had an impact on her. Any input on this would also be greatly appreciated.

2) We argued all the time.
In my earlier relationships, I have never argued the way I argue with her. She throws tantrums when we’re among mutual friends (even one where she found a text message in my phone, which she interpreted out of context and therefore misinterpreted the meaning of the message). Whenever I do something that doesn’t suit her, even small things such as misunderstandings between the two of us on text, she gets moody, pouts and tends to give me the silent treatment for days. I refuse to contact her, because she was the one getting so upset because of nothing, and eventually she comes crawling back a few (2-3-4) days later.

3) She is demeaning.
Even towards her own friends, she talks bad and makes fun of them behind their backs. Examples of this: She told me that one of our mutual friends ‘looked like a whore’ and on one occation she even called my female friends ‘bitches’.
She only has one close friend and then her sister, that she hangs out with. I’m starting to think that she might have so few friends due to the fact that she talks shit about them behind their backs and if she fights with them, like she fights me, I don’t question why they have left (remember, this is just a theory of mine).
She has also put me down a few times, telling me that ‘I don’t really want to go to the gym, because she doesn’t really see me as the bodybuilding type’ and on one occation she kinda made fun of me and told me that I was running out of time as I was unsure of what choice to make in a with a deadline coming up. I was pretty upset that she didnt support me instead, seeing as I have supported her throughout her bachelor’s thesis, which she didn’t herself believe she would ever be able to complete.

The worst thing about this is that nobody else can see this. They percieve her as a great girl even though she is speaking ill and making fun her them behind their backs. It’s like she is wearing a mask in social situations.

Her behaviour pushed me away, and she ended up breaking up with me because I didn’t give her enough attention and didn’t spend enough time with her. I wouldn’t disagree with her on this, but the only reason I backed off was because of her behaviour. Now I feel guilty for not giving her enough attention and I am wondering whether or not her behaviour would have been different if I had acted any different.

Any thoughts on this and/or her behavior?