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Should I enjoy this limbo?

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • December 9, 2015 at 4:15 pm #89320
    Mermaid
    Participant

    Hi Melissa,

    It’s really interesting to read your post. What I wonder is if it would really be good for you to be on your own and not in a relationship. I know we can’t help when we meet someone we like, but to have been with someone for 3 years, a heavy and hurtful break-up and then get together with someone a month later is pretty quick (this isn’t meaning to sound judgemental), but maybe you need some space to grow and develop and be your own person without being a girlfriend to someone else. However, it does sound like this guy might be what you need in terms of being grounded and giving you some space.
    21 is such an amazing age and so young! I am now 30 and if I had any advice for my 21 year old self it would be to let go more and enjoy my youth (believe me, I suffered and still do with anxiety and depression), and now I wish I could have enjoyed the flow of things more and let go of the control.
    This is a time in your life where you are defining who you are – so try to loosen your grip on the reigns and don’t go planning too much! I used to plan way too much. Try and be in the present as much as you can.
    I wish you all the best X

    December 9, 2015 at 6:53 pm #89347
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mellisa:

    I think it is so cool, Sweet Mellisa, the song is playing on the other computer, so cool. Do you know this song?

    To your post: you are welcome regarding advice from a previous thread. Regarding this thread: the thing that strikes me first is that you somehow need your new boyfriend to DEFINE you, that you derived comfort from the old boyfriend defining you as his girlfriend. And yet, you wrote that he cheated and discarded you. You used the word “discarded” – so what was the value of his definition of you? The comfort in your ex boyfriend defining you was imaginary, not grounded in reality. There was no real safety in being His Girlfriend, was there?

    Yet you want to be defined again.

    What if you make this relationship something undefinable. Something new, more mature than ever, where you and him communicate honestly with each other, promote each other’s well being, truly love each other. What if you explore and discover things about love you didn’t experience before. Let go of the old and be willing to … maybe embrace the new, the new that you choose, that you initiate, that you build and make, stretch any old definition to the maximum. Reminds me of a poem I just read about having Imaginary Wings!

    anita

    December 9, 2015 at 8:10 pm #89367
    TriangleSun
    Participant

    Slow down. Don’t jump into things.

    December 10, 2015 at 10:06 am #89402
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * Dear TriangleSun:

    I know that you believe that the women in your life, the ones you were in romantic relationships with, all lied to you, betrayed you, lied to you when they said they loved you. Your anger at women does show in your comments like the one above. If you would like to delve further or deeper into your hurts, into the original hurt, the one before the romantic ones, we can do that.

    Last I know you shared you had a terrific job that pays you well. You moved in with your parents. You are about 30 years old. You loved traveling and doing physically challenging activities and that made you feel very happy, to move about from the French/ Spanish border to the Atlantic Ocean. But then you get back home, and the depression and negative thoughts return. And so does the anger at the women who betrayed you and at women in general.

    Would you like to update me/ readers here on the forum? Discuss things further???
    anita

    December 30, 2015 at 12:21 pm #90929
    Melissa
    Participant

    Hi,

    Thanks to everyone for their posts, they were all really lovely and comforting to read.

    Mermaid, it’s very encouraging to have someone tell me to loosen the reigns. I never feel like I can but you have given me the gift of your hindsight and I take it on board completely. What you say reminds me of the word ‘Liberosis’. Anita, I wasn’t sure what song you meant! But yes you are right, I think the best way is to realise what I like, Me as an individual, not things that make me look interesting to other people. I’d forgotten those things but they are coming back to me. It’s nice and makes me feel like my own person, whole. I’d like to have known what that poem was about 🙂 TriangleSun, thank you, short and sweet and probably what I needed to hear! I hope your own life is going okay.

    Yesterday, I finally messaged my ex boyfriend. It has been 7 months. My hands were shaking. I wrote 3000 words and condensed it into 3 sentences, the last one being ‘I forgive you’. I’m not completely sure how forgiveness feels yet, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to have this wondrous emotion wash over me and feel free. I don’t think so. But I felt comfortable to write it down so maybe that’s the first step. Now I don’t feel the sense of waiting for time to pass to do something, that’s a frustrating feeling. I have felt restless for so many months over contacting that person. Now I feel a small sense of achievement for seeing it through. That is why I reply now, everything you’ve all written comes alive to me now.

    December 30, 2015 at 12:44 pm #90930
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Melissa:

    The song “Melissa” written in 1967, sung, I thing in 1972, you can google it. I never paid attention to the words I like the melody. “Sweet Melissa” repeats and sounds good.

    I forgive you, the intent is to let go of the anger at him for having hurt you and move on..? Is this the intent? If so, good move but keep in you the resolution to not take mistreatment from anyone again. This is the message underneath the anger at him. If you listen to the message: that you deserve respect and will not tolerate disrespect, then the message reached you and you can let go of the emotion, for now, carrying that message.

    Post anytime, like a diary will be fine: post updates, I would like that and respond.

    anita

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