Dear Indy:

Your boyfriend of 4 months got together with other women during the first 2.5 months of his supposed monogamous relationship with you. He then apologized, “removed any random girls he was flirting with on Instagram”, and then “started adding random girls he meets on Instagram”. When confronted he got angry, accusing you of invading his privacy, and then “he will delete them the next day”.

“I’m losing sleep and peace over this. I don’t want to be controlling but it’s gotten to the point I feel I have to snoop to know the truth”, “Should I be concerned about this behavior? .. Should I just let it go?”-

– I think that it is very easy for him to remove and add girls into his Instagram account, so he repeatedly removes and adds. When he wants you to feel better, he removes them. When he wants to make himself feel better, he adds them. Adding them and scrolling through their photos may be a habitual/ addictive behavior on his part.

In your April 2020 thread, you expressed anxiety about a previous boyfriend’s possible interest in other women. Altogether, it seems to me that it is very important that you date a man who is different from these two, one who is very serious about a relationship being monogamous. You can come up with your clear, comprehensive definition of what a monogamous relationship means to you. Then,  as you get to know a potential boyfriend, get to know him and find out (1) if he is interested in a monogamous relationship, and (2) what is his definition of a monogamous relationship, and (3) if there is a match between his definition and yours.

If there is no match, don’t invest in the guy, if there is- it will be a good start for the relationship.

anita

Indy

if he is flirting on Instagram on and off, it is clear the relationship (not you) does fulfill his needs ( what ever they are …. and most likely he does not know what his real needs are ) . The first rush of love is all consuming , I suggest you find a better partner to love, someone who is prepared to dedicate them selves to you ….. this is especially important at the very beginning , as you get to know each other