My mum and dad both used to fight badly and would hit themselves with chair their hands whatever they have in hands.. and curse each toher and their families real badly. which made me lose respect i never really did like them at all if i look back. And immediately after the fight she would go and plead him or he would plead her fall in each other’s feet adn they will be all happy again.. Only while writing this i realise it happened once a month atleast. they were so fricking silly they would fight horribly in the middle of the night if my mother refuses to tend to my father needs..?%^&$ (If u know what i mean) I was just 9 years old by then i remember that day very well.. neighbours had to wake up and come and pacify these people so awkward it was. i grew up here… after a while my sub conscious started to plan methods to escape my mum and dad.. when i was 14 years i would act like am having vertigo and fall to the ground wherever i am.. the plan is if its medically serious they would send me to my grandpa.. Yay and it worked.. I did take a long leave and left to my grandparents place.. i dunno if he recognised that i was cheating and wanted to keep me there or i was acting too well i dunno .. My grandpa told my parents that i have some issue in my olfactory nerve due to which im getting vertigo and made me stay there for 2 -3 months.this is where my life took wrong turn

Hi am gonna go back to the starting section again since something happened on that part again and i need someone to help me.. I’m terribly confused. I actually started behaving weird with this guy and kept on hurting him saying that this wont work and tried to get away from him for continuous 3-4 days that’s the longest i haven’t spoken to him as of now/. I go back to him like a puppy. He on the other hand.. says what we have is not for sex.. we haven’t done anything so far.. its just understanding each other and being there for one another. He checks on me periodically he lives in US and i live in India.. Still we have been in touch for like 2 years now. We share ideas, talk about general interests.. i like him so much.. but on the other hand. i cannot live like this all through my life via online and that too with a married man. even though he has issues and he says i understand him and so and so..he cannot come out of that life to me neither will i want him to. he is just a good pal. And since im alone most of the time I’m unable to have self control and stop texting him or be strong in cutting contact with him.. i deliberately cried to him one day to block me.. and not text me or reply to my messages.. He says its me who has issues and so why he should go.. Karma wise i feel like hurting someone when he really needs help if he finds peace in talking to me i feel selfish to spat im out. But on the other hand. its my life which is going through lots of crap… there are some days where i had to share some stuff to him but he wont be there.. and i have series of episodes of fights with him ruining his sleep and peace. clearly im just looping this without ending.. he wont let him go im unable to let him go.. i dunno whats gonna happen here.

Hi Anita,
In real life i don’t have any problems at all.. not like this at least.. I diverted lot of my focus to gardening.. i have started growing lot of plants in my roof. I run a business and i am pretty busy with it.. When this guy pings me in the morning I would be pretty damn busy but somehow i stop all that and talk to him.. Yea it is addictive.. I dunno why.. I clearly wanna come out of it.. I feel ashamed of not being in control of myself.. I know im a non assertive person.. But i had come across situations where my Ex came back to me after marriage saying that he cant forget me blah blah i was able to say a hard NO right to his face but now i dunno where that guts went.. I fight with this guy but i go back.. or he doesn’t take me seriously at all he pings the very next morning. I started doing this for fun.. i know this guy was lying and stuff but later somehow it became addictive. I started caring too much for him. its like im stuck in a loop. Its like a whole day had now reduced into 1-1.5 hours of talk. but i don’t like this also.. this is not good for me or my life..

I’m going to paste what you wrote in front of my work desk and my kitchen cabinet.. Thanks for making time to write to me Anita! I sincerely appreciate it..