Dear Cat:

You asked two very appropriate and excellent questions, two separate questions:

“What kind of guy does this??

Or tells people this??”

As to the first question, he answered in part, to you and to your friend, that “they messed him up so badly… he was a messed up kid.. he knew it was wrong, and that he’s grown as a person”.

Okay, but what about the second question: if he indeed was messed up and is no longer messed up to that extent, and if he indeed grew up as a person, he would have known that he can’t tell this to people and expect it to not get stuck in the listener’s brain forever more. In other words, he can tell about it but he can’t un-tell it, ever.

Clearly he hasn’t grown up enough to process his devastating childhood events and .. well, not mention that particular event, not if he wants anything new and healthy to happen with a new person in his life.

anita

Dear Cat:

It is exactly five months since you first posted about this man/ this relationship. I understand that on one hand, you don’t have a healthy relationship history, but on the other hand, this man told you something that he cannot un-tell you. I mean, it would be very difficult for almost any woman to let go of the images of him doing what he did. I think it’s best that you let him go, break up with him and move on.

Away from him, with a more suitable man, work on your relationship issues.

anita

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