She Broke-Up with Me: Going No Contact or Remain Friends?

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 5 months ago by Jeroen.

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December 5, 2014 at 9:13 am #68807

Anne
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First, act out of self compassion. Hurting yourself to help another can’t work if that “other” cares about you – it will just bring them pain to know that you’re suffering on their behalf. I’d suggest a good long period of no contact before trying to reinitiate as friends – I tried doing everything *except* that when I was in your position and it was an unmitigated disaster :’)

Good luck with whatever you decide

December 6, 2014 at 1:48 pm #68840

Anonymous
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Hey mate…

Easier said than done, but from an onlooker with past experience with heartbreak…
You and I both know that you cannot simply be friends with your ex.
You still love her, and will feel that way for a while. A year is a long time to do a lot of things together, and you feel like it would be a waste to let it all go now.

She’s made it clear that she sees nothing long term with you.
I know that hurts, but you’d be a fool to try and talk her into it.

I still have issues with letting go of my past (Was in a 3 year relationship with someone and broke up last July).
I’d probably have saved myself a bunch of pain if I didn’t let the relationship go on as long as it did.
We broke up and got back together so many times.
Habits are hard to break. And nobody really likes the unknown. Unless they’re some adrenaline junkie with no fear.

But, you already know what you need to do.
Delete her number and do everything to avoid making contact with her. That scares the heck out of you, doesn’t it?
If you really feel the need, give her a ‘Take it or leave it’ option, but again – That’d be foolish, as she would stay with you if that’s what she wanted. But she doesn’t…

Keep the fond memories of the relationship, but realise that it ends here. Things would go back and forth for a long time. Why? Maybe you’re just not right for each other. Maybe she wants to have more fun before getting into a serious life commitment. Maybe you weren’t a great partner – I don’t know! You likely do though.
You’ll hurt for some time, but that’s life. Sometimes it makes you wish you were never born.
In time, you’ll regain strength and become a better man.

Hope this helps. I didn’t want to sugarcoat the truth.

December 7, 2014 at 2:17 pm #68867

Yue
Participant

Hey R,

I agree with what Stefan said in that you can’t be friends with an ex that you still have strong feelings for. I had a similiar experience recently and know that it’s really hard to have a clean break with someone when you have lots in common, enjoy the company of each other and spent intimiate moments together. However, if you feel that you have to talk her into having a relationship, the repeated no’s will eventually wear you down and leave you feeling rejected and frustrated.

You are correct in pointing out that if you go down the frienship track, things are going to get painful when she starts seeing someone else and it’s going to be there as long as you are her friend. It can come in the form of comparing youself with every guy she dates, those little awkard moments where you want to move things beyond a friendship and recieved a firm no and/or tearing yourself up inside while trying to support her emotionally for her relationship woes. These moments will inevitablly lead to self doubt, which can poison relationships you have with other women.

With a clean break, it will be painful and you will hurt for a while but at least you can move on. It might be difficult breaking the news to her but remember that she did you the courtesy of being honest with her feelings and didn’t lead you on under false pretense.

December 10, 2014 at 1:26 am #69035

xWhy
Participant

Yeah, gotta go with Stefan’s answer. Says it all, and thank god he didn’t sugar coat it! Need more like him!

December 10, 2014 at 4:53 am #69047

Jeroen
Participant

Right after the breakup, you both are not the same anymore. You are Hurt. She is trying tot move past you. Everytime you two meet it hurts again.

Basicly, she doesnt want you as her lover. But she wants tot keep the benefits of having you around. Is that something you can live with?

Maybe this girl was covering up a part of yourself you don’t want to face. Insecurity of being alone, is this girl really this special if she keeps dumping me? Should you give yourself to someone who doesn’t fully want to be with you, and be there for you?
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