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Sharing time & not feeling guilty

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  • April 15, 2016 at 11:15 am #101956
    Teresa
    Participant

    Getting married. We both have grown children with several grandchildren. The children/grandchildren live about 3 hrs away. My children are use to me saying yes whenever I’m not working to watch grandchildren. Now since getting married I’ve had to say no and see them once a month. I don’t want to feel manipulated by daughter in-law when says the grandchildren don’t understand. But how do I share the time and stop feeling pulled in both directions?

    Thanks
    Teresa

    April 15, 2016 at 1:14 pm #101959
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Teresa:

    Congratulations for getting married! To better understand your situation, I ask:

    Can you share more: how many grown children do you have? How many children does each have?

    How have you felt about watching your grandchildren so far? Did you feel used? Burdened in part?

    What makes you believe your daughter in law is manipulating you when she says that the grandchildren don’t understand? Has there been a history on unpleasantness between you and your daughter in law?

    anita

    April 15, 2016 at 6:44 pm #101985
    Teresa
    Participant

    We each have 2 grown children. We both love spending time with grandchildren. Never get used but I also had no life outside of work. I think b/c always watched whenever asked and now backed off I feel bad. But I love spending also with my husband – my old high school sweetheart. Daughter in-law & I have good relationship. Not sure if I’m worried for nothing.

    April 15, 2016 at 7:55 pm #101990
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Teresa:

    Your daughter in law said that your grandchildren don’t understand. You can explain to your grandchildren that you are getting married. If you haven’t so far, introduce your husband-to-be to your grandchildren, and depending on their ages, explain to them how different your life is going to be, how you and your husband will be spending time together doing this and that.

    Let them know you will still call them on the phone, let’s say every Tuesday and Saturday (just an example) and that you will visit them. Explain all that not in an alarmed way, an anxious, worried voice, but in a calm, ordinary voice , with a smile and a pleasant expression on your face, so they can see it is a good thing, you getting married and making changes. Let them see it is a good thing for you.

    anita

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