I’ve always been asking how people pick someone from among their friends who would become special, long-lasting, and very significant in their lives.

And they would say, “Oh, we didn’t do it consciously. It just happened.”

I have a hard time sustaining most conversations because of how restricted my interests were since I was young. It has only started getting broader now. I am a late bloomer.

But then people would say, “You can be friends with someone even if they have different interests.”

I know that it will happen in time, but the fact that I can’t rationalize it in my head is nagging at me. I want to feel “assured”, because I’m not sure if I should really just sit back and let the universe surprise me, or if I should actively use strategies because duh, I have a brain. And I should probably use it.

So now I am just wondering if this makes more sense: shared goals have more to say about how compatible you are with someone, rather than shared interests. Interests are easy to exchange with other people. Goals are not. They are more part of your core.

That’s my hypothesis that I just thought of this morning.

Now, I am not a scientist, so obviously I wouldn’t be able to test that except through experience. Long years of experience.

But I wonder if my goals actually restrict me.

My goal is to become very, very confident in expressing my personality.

Except, my personality is still forming and unstable.

What has been stable, is that I have always been shy and unconfident. I have been for so long that it has become part of my identity.

Another goal of mine is to find my niche.

I have an idea where I lean towards, but I don’t fit in with “them” (insert ideal group here) yet.

Then people, again, would say, “Don’t try to fit in anywhere.”

Oh, I understand that some outliers are very happy to be who they are. They love standing out.

But why don’t I?

…

So I really think the reason I can’t find those special friends is because of my goal. It’s like I have the same goals as a young teenager. I’m 21.