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Shamefully self concerned

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  • August 22, 2014 at 9:25 am #63795
    Aiman
    Participant

    Hi. I don’t have a control over myself. I don’t have the strength to take initiatives. I left major life decisions up to fate. Recently, I had to make a choice between two options, I was inclined towards both so I didn’t decide until I was almost bound to go for option A. A friend of mine through some circumstances ended up at option B. Now I feel a sense of envy towards her and even though admitting this makes me shameful in my own eyes, I secretly wish that option B turns out a failure for her so that , in the future, I won’t regret giving it up. Why am I so shamefully mean? So self concerned?

    August 22, 2014 at 9:53 am #63798
    popi
    Participant

    Fate doesn’t exist.I personally don’t believe in fate.Things happen and we have the power to control them.We actually have to be strong and calm at the same time.Controlling our reactions is the key,and needs patience.Try it!
    Don’t leave your life in anyone’s hands.This is you, you have to try for your happiness.Ok, i don’t have any practical ways to do this,but you have to try everyday.At least you have to have this on your mind.Don’t let the life leave,manage it as best as you can.
    Every choice you make everyday is something that you truly want to do.Don’t regret anything,think more before you act, and do anything you want.

    August 22, 2014 at 10:43 am #63801
    Matt
    Participant

    Aiman,

    The simple answer, memories of pain create fear, and fear turns you inward, away from kindness for self AND other. Such as, fear that path A doesn’t hold the key to your happiness, making you hope that path B doesn’t have the keys to her happiness.

    Sometimes we think we don’t have strength, but its not that. Its when we are still building our courage, fear paralyzes us. As courage grows, so do conscious choices, less fear turning into barriers. Such as turning away from envy, resentment, so you can make the best of path A. The secret is, you’re beautiful on A or B, and both can inspire happiness. Said differently, contentment, happiness, is produced as we accept where we are, and dance… rather than the specific song/career/partner/bus we happen to be dancing with.

    Also, “not choosing” is an illusion, its still a choice. 🙂

    With warmth,
    Matt

    August 22, 2014 at 12:19 pm #63805
    Denise McKen
    Participant

    Hi Aiman,

    The question is, do you really want to take responsibility for your actions and the way you feel? As much as you may not enjoy behaving in that way, if the answer is ‘no’ then of course, you’ll continue to do it.

    But ‘responsibility’ is the key word here – the willingness to take it on and the committment to do what needs to be done in order to take more control of your life. It’s not always easy but if you don’t like the way something is, no-one else but you can make changes. Having said that, if it’s outside your control, then acceptance for what is in this moment is what is needed.

    In terms of not wanting your friend to do well, you may be making it about her, but it isn’t really about her; it all comes back to you and the way you want to feel i.e. not feeling full of regret. You seem to be wanting her to fail so that you can feel better. Again, it all comes down to choosing to take responsibility for how you feel rather than relying on what happen’s to your friend to do it for you.

    If your friend doesn’t fail will you then choose to hold onto that feeling of regret forever?

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