fbpx
Menu

sexual frustrations

Home→Forums→Relationships→sexual frustrations

New Reply
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • February 14, 2019 at 1:41 pm #280199
    lilroo
    Participant

    Thank you in advance for your taking the time to read about my situation. I really need to talk this out and by doing so I hope to change my perspective. My bf and I met on 8/18/18 it felt so divine, like we were so meant to be, everything was great, lots of synchronicity, romance, care, connection, etc… Things moved fast and soon he needed a new place to stay so, it felt natural to have him move in with me. Fast forward to the present day and my current situation.  I have a higher sex drive than him. For the past few months I have been trying to initiate sex, occasionally it works out in my favor but, more often than not it doesn’t. He is often too tired. I get it. Life is exhausting some times. I try not to take it personal but, the fact is that I work and he is currently unemployed. It doesn’t add up. Of course, we’ve talked about it and he said he would prefer to have sex at a more reasonable time like 8 am but, I wake up early for my own spiritual practice and meditation. I know there are probably a million other reasons why he would say no that have nothing to do with me but, I still feel slightly betrayed and it is really starting to affect me. Lately, I feel cold and disconnected. I can’t even figure out why he would want to be with me, I feel unattractive and start to cry when I think about initiating sex, like what’s the point? The rejection is all too much and it hurts. On top of all this as a spiritual worker and strong independent woman I feel ashamed that I am being so petty, so carnal and that I would allow my happiness and well being to rest in the hands of another. This morning I could hardly even make eye contact, I feel so withdrawn swimming in all this emotion. It’s almost like I’m giving him the cold shoulder and I am afraid I am being emotionally manipulative and shaming myself for throwing such a huge fit simply because I am not getting my way.  All of the sudden I feel like a giant sex crazed toddler having tantrums. I have never experienced this in any other relationship. It is really affecting me and I feel sick about it. Meditation is helping me a lot. But, beyond that I’m not sure how to proceed with healing this relationship, and this resentment that keeps building. I would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.

    February 14, 2019 at 3:06 pm #280219
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear lilroo:

    You met your boyfriend almost six months ago. He moved in with you soon after, and soon after that,(“For the past few months”), you’ve been frustrated by the incompatibility of sexual drives between the two  of you.

    Maybe the number 81818 didn’t mean the two of you were meant to be together. Maybe it “felt so divine” but, well, clearly it does not feel divine anymore. “everything was great, lots of synchronicity”, but not anymore.

    I think it is time to re-evaluate the relationship, have an open, honest conversation with him, or a series of conversations about what is going on and decide whether the two of you should continue the relationship living together, continue a relationship living separately or end the relationship altogether.

    I hope that the fact that he is unemployed and may not have a place to live does not stand in the way of him being honest with you regarding his thoughts and feelings.

    * I will be soon away from the computer for about 13 hours. I hope other members reply to you before I am back.

    anita

    February 15, 2019 at 7:58 am #280303
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi, lilroo!

    I also have a spiritual path. I have never had a sex life, though I am facing problems (with desire and lustful thoughts) that are comparable to yours.

    You should look for teachings in your spiritual path that are about dealing with sexual desire and pleasure. Look for it in books, YouTube videos, see if you can find some public talk or meet a teacher to talk to. You could also find a teacher to e-mail to. (Of course this applies only if your path has dedicated teachers.)

    The Tibetan people make certain practices in the morning before having breakfast. This is because Tibetans eat meat in the morning and they consider that eating meat brings them bad Karma. They strive to be “Karmically pure” during the practice. Perhaps you could think and act in similar ways? Heh.

    Your boyfriend tells you that he can have sex at 8 am. Could you make it so that you have sex before or after your spiritual practice?

    lilroo, your situation is salvageable and you can find a solution.

    February 16, 2019 at 4:52 pm #280469
    Gaelyn
    Participant

    Dear lilroo,

    I was married for 26 years to a man who is a sex addict. I didn’t realize it of course. I never knew what was my level of sex drive, as I never got to the point of feeling a sexual urge. We had a lot of sex (3x/day was his minimum amount to keep him from being angry). Eventually I realized that I didn’t even feel like I was in the room. It was all about his need for release. It had nothing to do with love or spiritual communication. When I did reject his sexual advances I would receive his anger.

    I hope this is not your situation. Can you ask your man if he is feeling overwhelmed by your sexual needs? You say this has not been an issue in past relationships. What is your sexual need per day/week/month. Ask your man what is ideal for him. IF this is a deal breaker then you may want to consider moving on. Sex can’t make a relationship but it surely can break a relationship.

    Good Luck

    February 18, 2019 at 6:06 pm #280691
    lilroo
    Participant

    Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I really appreciate your perspectives and suggestions. We had a productive discussion this past weekend and I realize that what I really crave is less about sex and more about genuine intimacy and a deeper spiritual connection with my partner. We are working on syncing up our schedule and spending more intimate time together. Things are moving in a positive direction and I am feeling so much better. Thank you all so much for hearing my story and sharing your thoughts.

     

    February 19, 2019 at 6:40 am #280739
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear lilroo:

    You are welcome. Post again anytime you’d like, will be glad to read how your relationship progresses, if you would like to share again, that is.

    * Dear Gaelyn: if you want to share in your own thread, if you would,  I will be very interested to read more about your 26 year experience regarding your ex husband’s sexual demands, not the sexual details, this is not what interests me. What I am very curious about is how it felt for you, for so long, to keep him from getting angry this way: was it a form of sexual slavery of sorts?

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.