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sexual frustrations

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  • February 14, 2019 at 3:06 pm #280219
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear lilroo:

    You met your boyfriend almost six months ago. He moved in with you soon after, and soon after that,(“For the past few months”), you’ve been frustrated by the incompatibility of sexual drives between the two  of you.

    Maybe the number 81818 didn’t mean the two of you were meant to be together. Maybe it “felt so divine” but, well, clearly it does not feel divine anymore. “everything was great, lots of synchronicity”, but not anymore.

    I think it is time to re-evaluate the relationship, have an open, honest conversation with him, or a series of conversations about what is going on and decide whether the two of you should continue the relationship living together, continue a relationship living separately or end the relationship altogether.

    I hope that the fact that he is unemployed and may not have a place to live does not stand in the way of him being honest with you regarding his thoughts and feelings.

    * I will be soon away from the computer for about 13 hours. I hope other members reply to you before I am back.

    anita

    February 15, 2019 at 7:58 am #280303
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi, lilroo!

    I also have a spiritual path. I have never had a sex life, though I am facing problems (with desire and lustful thoughts) that are comparable to yours.

    You should look for teachings in your spiritual path that are about dealing with sexual desire and pleasure. Look for it in books, YouTube videos, see if you can find some public talk or meet a teacher to talk to. You could also find a teacher to e-mail to. (Of course this applies only if your path has dedicated teachers.)

    The Tibetan people make certain practices in the morning before having breakfast. This is because Tibetans eat meat in the morning and they consider that eating meat brings them bad Karma. They strive to be “Karmically pure” during the practice. Perhaps you could think and act in similar ways? Heh.

    Your boyfriend tells you that he can have sex at 8 am. Could you make it so that you have sex before or after your spiritual practice?

    lilroo, your situation is salvageable and you can find a solution.

    February 16, 2019 at 4:52 pm #280469
    Gaelyn
    Participant

    Dear lilroo,

    I was married for 26 years to a man who is a sex addict. I didn’t realize it of course. I never knew what was my level of sex drive, as I never got to the point of feeling a sexual urge. We had a lot of sex (3x/day was his minimum amount to keep him from being angry). Eventually I realized that I didn’t even feel like I was in the room. It was all about his need for release. It had nothing to do with love or spiritual communication. When I did reject his sexual advances I would receive his anger.

    I hope this is not your situation. Can you ask your man if he is feeling overwhelmed by your sexual needs? You say this has not been an issue in past relationships. What is your sexual need per day/week/month. Ask your man what is ideal for him. IF this is a deal breaker then you may want to consider moving on. Sex can’t make a relationship but it surely can break a relationship.

    Good Luck

    February 18, 2019 at 6:06 pm #280691
    lilroo
    Participant

    Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I really appreciate your perspectives and suggestions. We had a productive discussion this past weekend and I realize that what I really crave is less about sex and more about genuine intimacy and a deeper spiritual connection with my partner. We are working on syncing up our schedule and spending more intimate time together. Things are moving in a positive direction and I am feeling so much better. Thank you all so much for hearing my story and sharing your thoughts.

     

    February 19, 2019 at 6:40 am #280739
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear lilroo:

    You are welcome. Post again anytime you’d like, will be glad to read how your relationship progresses, if you would like to share again, that is.

    * Dear Gaelyn: if you want to share in your own thread, if you would,  I will be very interested to read more about your 26 year experience regarding your ex husband’s sexual demands, not the sexual details, this is not what interests me. What I am very curious about is how it felt for you, for so long, to keep him from getting angry this way: was it a form of sexual slavery of sorts?

    anita

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