I will make this short as possible.

Do you ever feel like you need someone? Feel that companionship?

I am 23, and I moved to DC almost a year ago, my family is in California, Manila, and Tokyo. California Native. I am a half Japanese/Filipino American. Moved to DC for worked as a Congressional Intern. Recent graduate applying for Master’s Program and work full time as a medical secretary. I volunteer once a week, and attend church as a new Christian believer, aside from all other things.. there is another part of me.. I am..young, creative, outgoing, full of energy, traveler, thriller-seeker, ..and I think too much..overwhelmed and sleepless.

Anyways..the other part of me.. I seek too much pleasure..shows, traveling, sex, men, drinking, smoking etc etc.. Besides the point, I have been involved in building a career, and I’d like to go to school to be able to work in Public Health..

I meet a lot of people… and I have been meeting a friend, who I have been hooking up with once a week for 3 months now…and I am starting to feel so aggravated over the fact that..I cannot establish anything with him. He shows passion only when he wants to have sex. Most of the time, men think of me as a sexual object.

I am not looking for a boyfriend or whatever, or love..and I have gone through relationships, love, heartbreaks and lust. I just want to see more of this person than seek pleasure out of me…

I mean.. I just want a companion…and every time I had that, it always seem to dwindle. When I tell a person my goals, they are out of sight, or they are just there for a moment. It’s very difficult to live in a metropolitan city to find real passion in people.. people who are affectionate. And Everyone works hard here and I admire hard work.. but there is no…motion, no warmth. No compassion.

Sometimes I think…I should just concentrate, yet.. I don’t like the feeling of “stiffness,” I like the feeling of touch, and warmth. Interaction. and then.. maybe it’s best that this individual should act the way he is.. because I will probably be somewhere else, who knows? at a different city, at a university to pursue my degree.

Sometimes, I think of my goals as too high to reach..that the desire for a companion is out of sight. I don’t know, sometimes I think I am just ranting because I am so tired and aggravated. There is simply nothing wrong with me, I do not ask for that much, but someone who I can just spend time with, and share my experiences with.

I get stuck with the idea to pursue a Master’s degree, and make a big difference for the nation or leave an impact to the world. and there..I get stuck.. what if..I could never find a companion. what if I get stuck chasing the dream and never settling down? what if..I could never have the ability to meet that companion?

Again.. I think I am just ranting and obviously tired. Thank you for listening