Hi Lester,

Always seems to be things to learn. At least that’s my experience. I think it’s great how you’ve been grappling with different relationship issues.

Ultimately, you may want to get to a place where you can discuss your insecurities with your partner. However, at the level of intensity you’re describing, now may not be the time. Ultimately the goal of sharing is so that she will know you better and know your vulnerabilities better, and if she is a loving woman, she will respond with sensitivity and understanding – however, it is not her responsibility to make you feel better. That’s on you, which is great news, because you can do something about you.

Suppose you lose your girlfriend, or she cheats on you. What would that mean to you? (To be clear, from what you said, I see no reason to suspect that she’s leaving you – I’m just asking a question for thinking purposes…)

Craig

Hello there Lester,

I agree with Anita that you should seek counseling, however i do think it’s safe to discuss some ideas here as well. Jealousy is a tricky emotion. It often comes to us in a way that is sudden, and powerfully overwhelming, and this makes it a very difficult emotion to maintain control over. However, one thing in particular that you mentioned makes me believe that your jealousy is not out of your control, which was:

“The relationship is amazing so far, but there is something that threatens this relationship and that is my insecurities.”

Right here, you are acknowledging your own issue. The very first step to solving any sort of emotional response that effects your life negatively, is being able to recognize the source of that issue. But this acknowledgement is actually a really big one; regardless of who you are with, this is a problem that will follow you. So even if you break up with the partner you have now, you will have to face the same issues later down the line, if you choose to date again, because it is not your partner that is the problem. You did acknowledged that your relationship is amazing, which tells me that you do value this person. With that in mind, and also the fact that this problem will have to be acknowledged and actively worked on at some point in time if you wish to have a meaningful relationship with anyone in the future, I definitely advise seeking help from a professional.