Dear Shun:
You are doing all-the-right-things for your mental health, having the right attitude. The thing is, like you wrote, is the ups and downs, the fact that the peace of mind you experience at times does not last indefinitely. No one’s peace of mind last indefinitely. During those times, when you do not experience that peace of mind, those are the challenging times.
It is in those times as a mother, when you are distressed, that you will need to un-distress yourself again and again and again so you don’t hurt your baby, your child. Use your distressing times in the present as opportunities to practice doing the right things for yourself anyway, so that as a mother you will do the right things for your child regardless of how you feel.
Best wishes to you and to your child:
anita