I have not been married myself, but I was advised by my mother at 18 to keep a bank account of my own if I chose to get married one day. She told me that its purpose would, yes, be a rainy day fund if the marriage doesn’t last. Also though, it could act as a savings account for your kid for college, or it could be money that you use solely for you and your hobbies.

I can see why it may hurt your feelings that she didn’t tell you about this separate account in the first place and is now playing things cool. However, I’d advise you to just ask yourself if it really matters to you to make a big deal about it? If you’d like to talk to her, knowing you’ll feel better once you know the truth from her, then do it! If you feel like you’ll be able to move on and just accept that she was saving money on her own, then do it! Do whatever you think will ease your mind about the situation.

In my opinion there’s no reason not to save money individually in a relationship. You pay your mortgage and the things you use together, together. So use the rest of the money you earned to do what you want.

Just a different perspective… I’ve been with my husband for 16 years, married for 9 and we have always had separate bank accounts. We divided up expenses long ago and never fight about money. This works better for us because we have different spending habits (I am more social and would be resentful if I had to run every dinner with friends by my husband, it just never appealed to me).  We have a joint account for things like trips and large expenses and if we need to collaborate on something, like a new roof, we talk about it and figure out what we each owe. Basically we are very transparent about money though we chose not to put it all into one account. I think the part that is odd in your story is the fact that you didn’t know about it. I can see how it would make you feel a bit hurt, but I wouldn’t liken it to infidelity. I’m not sure your wife’s family background but for me it was important for me to always have my own money as a feeling of independence, after watching my mom struggle after divorce. Not that I have any doubts in my marriage whatsoever, but you never know what life will throw at you. I think just talk to her and let her know how you feel. It sounds like she wasn’t active with the account so I wouldn’t perceive it as a betrayal.