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Selfishness?

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  • May 13, 2013 at 8:05 pm #35515
    andre
    Participant

    hello all,

    I am seeking advice. I am currently a student in a tough major. But my family does not show support. I come from a broken home where I am left as the man of the family. I work full time, go to school full time, and I am in the National Guard. I have little time to enjoy myself. Currently, I deal with 3 women in my life: my mother, sister, and serious girlfriend and deal with a lot of immaturity. My issue is, I am constantly dragged into tough situations. On top of that I have a bad habit, if i find you no use and you create problems for me i cut people out and carry on. Now I am faced with those individuals trying to make an effort to step back in my life. For example, my father he was a terrible father figure and did terrible things. and keeps reaching out to me to interact. My current reaction is to feed with long handle spoons. I also have a few once close friends that have been cut out trying to contact me through family members. My question is.. do i continue to isolate myself to accomplish my goals. Or do i get distracted by dealing with problems from my very dysfunctional family. I always get ganged up on by my sister and mother. To me, they dont think clear and live a reality tv show. They disrespect me and belittle me, but get jealous that I do not spend time with them. Therefore, should i continue to be stingy with my time and focus on my future while isolating myself from all the negative people that bash me on a day to day basis…. Is it me thinking i am a know it all?? or is my environment toxic?
    thank you…

     

    Edit: I feel a tremendous weight on my shoulder’s to make something of myself and become financially stable hence my education. And l respond to verbal attacks by saying I am moving far away once i have all my things together.

    May 13, 2013 at 9:15 pm #35518
    debb
    Participant

    Hi Andre,
    I’m all for cutting out toxic relationships, however i have learnt that family, however toxic, is very important. I limit my ‘exposure’ and try to take the best from each catch up.
    don’t be to harsh on yourself it seems like you are genuinely trying to do the best you can. That IS enough.
    …and my opinion is if it feels Toxic, it probably is.

    May 14, 2013 at 2:02 pm #35551
    Buddhist Wife
    Participant

    Hello Andre,

    I agree with what Debb says. I’m just an ordinary housewife so I am by no means an expert in these situations, but it does seem it would be helpful to you if you set yourself some clear boundaries.

    Can I suggest that you do some reading on the Captain Awkward website. http://captainawkward.com/

    Captain Awkward is a women who writes brilliant advice about setting boundaries. The basis of her thinking is that we feel awkward standing up for ourselves and having emotionally difficult conversations, because we are taught that this isn’t polite or what nice people do. This is not emotionally healthy for us or for others. She writes great advice about changing this behaviour and even provides word for word ‘scripts’ that you can use when you are standing up for yourself.

    Reading between the lines of your post, I have made an assumption. I am assuming that you feel a little guilty for having boundaries. Is that correct? If so, you shouldn’t. You have a right to your feelings and to be treated with respect. You are the master of your own time and it is up to you who you choose to spend it with, or how you choose to spend it. Captain Awkward is a great reader on that subject too!

    Having read your comment it also seems to me that you are really burning the candle at both ends. I understand that your education is expensive and you need to work but is there anyway you can cut down on some of your commitments? You must be exhausted dealing with all of this emotional difficulty while doing all of this work.

    I wish you well.

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