Dear Anita,

I notice that being focused to start an endeavor, whatever it may be – based on feelings of feeling stuck, annoyance at others, feeling suffocated by the system – are still all outward feelings.

they take away from the inward ambition/intuition and focus on the external environment.  just like always

I will work on honing in on what it is I want to do – to take that first step – for myself, and future patients / outside of the external environment that I may or may not be disgruntled with.

Dear Anita,

as always we are in sync. How funny. I have a phone call with a web developer tomorrow at 5 pm. First step it is! First steps not empires. First steps not Mountains.

Just like healing. Time and small steps. Going down the path.

Dear Anita,

yes to first steps. I’m glad to at least start the conversation!

i was thinking a lot about IT- the empathy. And how often this is missing in my own life. Compassion yes – but truly feeling for another – deeply – feels amiss for many years at least.  Hidden, hardened – whatever it may be.

I would like to continue the exercise today when you are awake and available – if that also works for you.

Talk soon!

Dear Anita,

Good morning to you..

I shall start.

Young/adolescent Cali Chica:

why should we be positive? does it mean something good will happen? no, not necessarily! so then why be positive? why be hopeful – if the outcome will be the same regardless, and maybe a bad one.

mother answer: well of course you have to be positive and hope – what else can you do

Dear Anita,

I must have said/thought: hmm I guess so – what else can I do?

Now, well – I do feel conflicted about this.  In fact I think on a daily basis I struggle of the concept of being positive versus negative/annoyed.

I notice that I know now – that being “real” as my mother would say and simply negative and self pitying leads to nothing at all.

i do often still feel that those that are positive always, often have not had much hardship, and it is easier for them to “float through life” they haven’t been traumatized, stressed and treated poorly like many of us.

but i also know there are incredible people who remain positive in the face of adversity, and that is admirable.

in short, I know the benefit of remaining positive – but it is not innate to me, so it is something I have to actively work on.

Dear Anita,

Do you mind rephrasing your question?  I don’t think I understand it fully.

Dear Anita,

Yes, I have a friend named S.

She is a darling nice girl, sweet kind – not a stressed out person.

Has always, in an objective sense, had a pretty average life, average education, average job, etc

nothing too extravagant, and not many issues either.  very content and go with the flow. supportive parents, big family.

She was single until recently, and now engaged just last week.  She was quite optimistic and positive about dating, even though she was getting “older” which in my culture can cause a lot of stress for many women.  Well needless to say, she met a great guy, and recently engaged, it all worked out  – exactly how she would have always wanted – a dream.

no anxiety along the way (outside of the typical oh i wonder if i will meet a nice guy) no pressure (worry that shes getting “old” and so has her time passed) nothing.

In a way, there were many times I envied this ability – but I will say one thing.

She has ZERO emotional intelligence, I mean zero.  She has no idea what its like to live with fear.  We talked about anxiety once and she said “why would people worry so much, it doesn’t change the outcome.” No understanding that it is something people suffer with, and what it would be like.

It is easier to walk through the world, with less emotional intelligence – after all, ignorance is bliss.