Dear Cali Chica:

I was thinking about your investments, more so in the past than now, in random people. I remember you shared with me while you were in South Africa on vacation with your husband, you invested your time in communicating with a friend in NY who was having some sort of a party there, as if what was happening in her life was important and worthy of your time and attention, not your time in South Africa with your husband. That investment was aimed at a short term feel-good of some kind, for you.

On the other hand, investing your time and attention in you-and-your-husband, will bring you  a long term real life benefit, because the two of you are a team.

People are motivated by rewards, just like other animals. Pay attention to the nature of the reward you are aiming at, see to it that it is sensible and long term.

Please let me know if I clarified to  you what was unclear to you.

anita

Dear Cali Chica:

If people practiced this distinction between short term gain and long term gain (payoff/benefit), there will be almost none or none of the following: crime, wars, corrupt politics, violence, child abuse, any abuse, obesity and morbid obesity, drug addiction, alcohol and drug related fatalities, and the list goes on.

If our mothers practiced this distinction, you and I wouldn’t be here, spending years in this healing process. If mothers understood how their daughters are so very motivated to do that “team-building, love focused, life building” with her, the  mother, and would aim at the long term goal, it would be the best team work possible, to the long term benefit of both.

anita

Dear Cali Chica:

You were a very motivated child to be a part of the daughter-mother team, your mother was a terrible team player, you got burned so often being in a … non-team with her, like a bird (the image appeared to me as I typed), a bird sitting on a wire, let’s say, its head constantly moving right-left-right-left, agitated, so it seems… no eye contact possible, right-left-right-left, because (extended the image to content here) keeping eye contact is too painful. If the bird keeps her head straight ahead, looking at just one thing, what is in front of her, and that thing in front of her is spitting little balls of fire at her, no  wonder the bird is constantly looking there and over there, right and left, trying to avoid those spits of fire.

anita

Dear Cali Chica:

The bird is agitated, the agitation was established early on as she experienced those spits of fire, those chemicals keep going like before, spits of fire or not, a chemical habit was formed. That chemical induced agitation leads the bird to look left and right and it leads you to turn on the computer while you are in South Africa and look into the screen, here and there, left and right, find something (the party in NY), send a message, then look over there and the other over-there, right, left, right, left…

anita

Dear Cali Chica:

This frenzied behavior is authentic to the bird if all birds of that species behave that way, frenzied like. Is it authentic to Cali Chica? Look at other humans, those of your species, are they all frenzied, like you?

Some are, many are at times, a lot are frenzied a whole lot of the time, all are cautious though, alert to danger. I suppose it is authentic for us humans to be alert to danger, to be alarmed at times, but not frenzied. Similar to the deer and elk I observe on my walks, it is authentic to them to be somewhat relaxed when eating, but when they hear possible danger, they get alarmed and stop eating and they just stand there looking, alert, watching, then either moving away, going elsewhere, or resuming eating. Until next time they hear a possible danger.

It is not authentic for us humans to be calm all the time, as desired as it feels like (people get hooked on narcotics for that reason and people invented heaven for that purpose). It is authentic for us to be alert, cautious and reasonable relaxed in between  alerts.

anita