Dear Anita,

Noted about the posts.

SCC, the drive to be super or perfect includes your work on the healing path.

Thanks for the reminder.  Wow.

I was at a workshop once (yoga, meditation, insight etc) and the take home from the instructor for me was that – perhaps sometimes I don’t always need to “work on myself” that there is such a thing as being too motivated/focused on self improvement.  I can sit back and let myself be too…

Dear Anita,

you don’t have to always help yourself, you can relax and focus only on do-no-harm-

not to others and not to yourself.

Would you mind elaborating on : do no harm to myself means (in your opinion)?

Dear Anita,

I suppose I do harm myself in all those ways, in fact, I know this.  Why? Because I can feel it.

I feel when I am harming myself (in these subtle ways that do not appear harmful at baseline) I notice it in my body, muscular tension, tighter jaw, just an overall sense of intensity.

I would like to talk about the ways that I “suppose I harm myself in all the ways that  I do” – I think it will be a healthy useful exercise

Dear Anita,

We have an inborn need to be good people, to help others, to  cooperate with others for the benefit of all.

Great point, as when I am short, angry, etc with someone, or not my innate empathetic self for a period of time, it is not that I feel guilty, it is that I intrinsically feel wrong and bad.  It simply doesn’t sit right. Now I do not believe all people operate this way, but for my journey and this conversation – that is irrelevant.  What makes CC feel good, what makes her feel authentic?

Brainstorm activity:

The ways that I harm myself:

• over-reaching to others
  • this is harmful to myself because it takes away from what I need in the moment, and simply jumps to what the other person needs
  • it is harmful because it often distracts me from “sitting with myself” and what I am going through, and simply distracting by someone else’s world
  • it is much more important to first process what is in my own head and heart

Dear Anita,

Yes I do 🙂

Dear Anita,

The balance is about seeing to it that most of our attending to others (social responsibility) does benefits us.

How do you feel we do it so it benefits us? I think I struggle with that – I actually really do

Dear Anita,

What is your personal definition of social interaction that is in a way that benefits us (myself/yourself)?

Dear Anita,

I thought a lot about this weekend, what we spoke about. When we harm others, we also harm ourselves.

This is new to me, this way of thinking.

I was conditioned to think about how others acted and treated each other.  Often, when others were shameless and rude, it would make me angry and think – well gosh how do they get away with that and sleep at night! or feel slighted, feeling that even if I do good, these “evil” people continue to do bad – unfair.

Your perspective, and comment allows me to see it in a different light.

Doing harm to others, being unkind, rude, etc – it isn’t just about the other person.  No it is not.  It isn’t just about how others are affected.

Acting this way, inherently affects me – when I am unkind, I also harm myself.  It doesn’t just feel “not right” it can also have long term effects.  Harboring this sort of feeling can lead me to have outbursts to other people like my husband, and impede my healing path.

Therefore, being good benefits all.