Dear Anita,

No benefit in accommodating her delusions, her distorted thinking

Better stick to correct thinking, that which fits reality

 Have your loyalty be to reality, keep your focus on it.

That AZ experience was no benefit to anyone, well except that my mother could gloat “oh my daughters look how supportive they are, look how much they care for one another and their mother.” but quickly – oh you’re leaving so soon.  NO benefit to anyone, just distress upon distress.  Distress breeding more distress.  Dysfunction breeding more dysfunction.

All because of a delusional definition of what SUPPORT and help is.  The mother’s distorted definitions.

No use of it.  Needing help for rent, but then signing up for now  two dogs to roam freely.  Where does that time, money, and energy come from? The air? No, sister, it does not.

Best to prepare.  How shall I do so. I would like to brainstorm here…

• This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Cali Chica.

Dear Anita,

Excellent advice.

I will brainstorm.

As an additional note, I want to re-write.

No benefit in accommodating her delusions, her distorted thinking

Better stick to correct thinking, that which fits reality

 Have your loyalty be to reality, keep your focus on it.

This goes with her especially, but anything in life.  Yes, there is absolutely no benefit in accommodating delusional distorted people/thinking.  All it brings is suffering.  Best to stay away (when possible) best to protect my sphere, best to protect my energy so that I can focus on reality. Stick to reality.

I notice I was having very little trouble doing this recently – seeing reality.  Seeing people for who they are, N, the bossy lady at work – not internalizing as my fault or something I can do or change.

I will continue at this.

There is no help in enabling dysfunction.

Dear Anita,

Because when one enables dysfunction, one is being dysfunctional.

To me the new aspect of this quote is not the objective truth of it, but more so the power, confidence, and clarity to choose.

To choose function over dysfunction, and leaving guilt, patterns, and habits behind.

Dear Anita,

Hello, how are you Anita? It has been one week since we last spoke, and I have thought about what we have spoken about in the last month – daily.

You wrote:

To choose thoughtfully instead of to automatically or habitually react. To choose, moment by moment, all day and tomorrow. It is exhausting sometimes.

Yes, quite exhausting.  In fact, I was thinking about how it takes daily effort.

I think of it like this, a person who has difficulty with weight management, each and every day they have to be mindful about what they eat, if they go too much one way, they feel off balance.  If they find themselves in a scenario where this may be difficult (i.e a party or a buffet) they have to have great self control/mindfulness.  At times when they don’t it may be okay, but adding up – it leads them back down a vicious cycle.

I feel quite similar.  If I make consistent right choices daily (go to yoga instead of engaging in something else, etc) I am able to stay balanced. Yet, life isn’t so straightforward.  So now if I am in a scenario where all of this is tested, it is fine, and I may not always choose the option that keeps me centered (such as speak less, listen more – perhaps I go back to my old ways of talking before thinking) – and that is fine too – to a point.  And that is it, after a certain point you become off balance (whether it is mentally or weight management or whatever it is) and then you feel you have to re-ground and re-start so to speak.

This can feel exhausting, to feel that a fine balance must be maintained to feel healthy, sane, good in your own skin.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Cali Chica.

Dear Anita,

Good morning to you too!

Less time, less effort, less exertion if we relax into it

To me this also sounds like, accepting the situation as is – seeing what is in front of you with clarity.  The person at the buffet looks around and sees all the entrees clearly, and looks inward at her desires and cravings clearly – she KNOWS where she stands

Yes, I think I have used the term baseline anxiety, and recently I think of it more like this: anxiety that is there in the background, but sometimes it comes to the forefront, and sometimes it stays in the back.

This can be due to a variety of factors including, hormones, diet, weather, they way I slept, or simply just because.  I am doing a better job about not always trying to pinpoint – WHY.

I find myself when I am having a particularly bad day, looking back at what did I DO – oh I shouldn’t have had that second glass of wine. Oh I shouldn’t have stayed up to watch that TV show, I shouldn’t have answered that text so late – I shouldn’t have this or that.

All of it is true – good habits, keeping tabs on what works and doesn’t work (clearly more sleep, and relaxation are the way to go).  BUT, constantly keeping tabs on this does take away on living in the now, it is negative self talk focused on what I did wrong, yesterday, or a few hours ago – but I can not undo it.  So what can I do now? I find that this critical nature did work over the last year for big movements, cutting people out, making large changes – but perhaps I can be a little less critical of myself now – now that I am on the path I can teeter totter some..

I have my own barometer for what works and doesn’t.  Perhaps it is important to listen to it, without analyzing why I became imbalanced, accept it, and get back on track