Dear Anita,

Why are you fearful today? Or do you mean in general you are fearful.

Because we all are.

Accept fear as the human companion it is. 

I haven’t been accepting this.  I have been fighting it.  That day after yoga, I had fear, and I fought it and emitted fire out.  I said go away stupid fear, I hate you, I am angry, ROAR to anyone in sight. ROAR (my husband was in sight)

Dear Anita,

I thought about this fear, that we all have it, and of course we do – why wouldn’t we.  From being worried about getting pushed on the subway, worried about being late for work, worried about our health, worried about our loved ones, worried about dying – worry – fear.  I am not the only one.  You are not the only one.  It is the human condition.

I thought about the difference between small steps and leaps and bounds.

When I first spoke to you, I did not have a direction, well in fact, I did not know you – you were kind enough to reply, and then continuously, and here we are.  Since then, there have been advancements, goals, and large changes.

Sometimes with large changes we continue to think BIG, life, large.

However, I see now that it is in the details.  The goal that I would like to attain now, need to attain, is no harm.  To bring back that softness, to relinquish some anger.  This is in the small things.  So as you said for the next month, the goal is not to help, but to do no harm.  I will attend to that by honoring the small steps, undertanding the daily changes, and understanding that the human condition is also based out of habit and patterns, and to change those, it takes the smallest steps.

So yesterday, I came home from yoga, an intense class, came home, dehydrated, sweaty, starving.  A great recipe for potential disaster.  My husband was in the living room fixing something. Instantly My guilt radar goes off (wow he came home from work and went right to doing some more work, whereas I enjoyed myself) my guilt radar said CaliChica (CC) should help.

Not because I really SHOULD, but it was guilt and anxiety talking.

But I checked in with myself, am I trying to help?

yes.

Then abort.

And in fact, I couldn’t really help he was doing a small task. And did I actually WANT to help? NO – I wanted to take a shower!

So I did, I took a nice cooling shower, refreshed myself, went to the kitchen, ate a small snack (although dinner was close) to ensure I wasn’t ravenous and moody.  Sat down and was ready to approach my evening.  My husband and I talked about work and went on a walk (finally over 10 degrees here) and had a pleasant normal evening.

So aborting this “need to help” by NOT sacrificing a basic thing I needed, food and shower – is key.  It is helping no none, it is just an anxious urge to do something to “help” out of guilt. And Do not jump to tasks when you are not replenished.

And for now, do not jump to any tasks you don’t truly need to do – first and foremost do no harm.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by Cali Chica.

Dear Anita,

Thank you, I am excited too.  I do believe as you say “this here-within is the real work” IT is.  And I am DOING IT.

Thank you for feeling deep empathy for me.  I appreciate you tremendously as well.

I too feel sorry I have suffered, especially more recently.  BUT I also know one thing, that my gut/intuition is so incredible.  When I am suffering beyond the “norm” it is a huge blaring radar that something has to change. Whether it is:

• someone has to go (out of my life)
• some habit has to change
• a delusion has to be attended to

look here! you are suffering – take a look at your life! more likely than not, something has to be removed!

This here is a milestone, thank you.  I hope to continue to share these steps on the path, baby steps of the milestone.

Thank you for:

I have faith in this very practice to make the big change in your mind and life.

I too am working on having faith.

Dear Anita,

I am curious.  How many years have you been married?

Dear Anita,

That makes me smile a big smile.

I am glad you have a great supporter.   I am glad that he acknowledges and appreciates your path.

Dear Anita,

Happy Friday.  It has been a productive week – we have come to great understanding for me.

Last Friday I was truly suffering, plus combined with the bossy lady – it was terrible.  Funny how only 7 days passed and it is so different.  I know days like last Friday will arise again, and flow away, and ebb and flow.

Today the bossy lady is acting exceptionally perky and nice – as they do – but I am seasoned now and knowledgeable of her ways.  I know how to stand up for myself, and most importantly, I will not be caught off guard – I saw her true colors – I know who I am working with.  Perhaps the first blow is when we expect someone to be kind and good, and they are not  Yet, when we see this and accept this – perhaps we are able to better process and deal.   Who knows.

I had a pleasant evening with my husband.  It felt like normal.  It was normal

Dear Anita,

I was fooled many times by a person nice behavior, then re-surprised by the return of the Rude, then fooled again.

Yes, same.  So many times. For example by that “friend” N.  Because of it is 80/20 – 80 percent good (easy to overlook 20 bad) or 99 good (1 bad)

It doesn’t matter – when the rude is rude – it doesn’t matter how bad it is – rude is rude.  Once they show us – it is up to remember.