Dear Donna:

I hope you do get your breath back. I would like to know a bit more before trying to understand what happened: the “million excuses” he gave you, which you now believe were untrue: what were a few of them?

anita

At 55, I am reeling trying to figure out how I why I remained so long?

I waited because I believed in him and his goodness. I still do. I realized the commitment we made to one another was no longer viable on his end and had been waning for some time without any in person availability. I knew a phone relationship was not going to build a lasting relationship and I was not ever going to be any kind of priority yet he did not want to end the relationship. So I waited.

He ended the relationship telling me he tried for years to tell me he tried to end it for years
I wondered why a man in his late 50’s or anyone would call and text 3 times a day, profess his love if he were trying to end a relationship?

A dream a hope a need… dies hard. We know but we don’t know and so we wait and so we hold on. There is nothing to forgive ourselves for

Physiologically it’s understandable that you waited and even understandable that he professed his love while assuming his actions were telling you he needed to end the relationship. And it’s understandable that now as a result you find yourself questioning your ability to trust, perhaps most of all yourself

Understanding may or may not be helpful. There is a time for all things when a relationship ends. Understanding, anger, sadness, compassion, grieving the hoped for future that will no longer be, learning a trust that is less naive yet also still open.

Love is always an experience bitter sweet… its what gives it its texture and aliveness

We know but we don’t know and so we wait and so we hold on and eventualy let go. There is nothing to forgive ourselves for.