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Self esteem taking hits. Starting to feel like I'm not worth the effort

Home→Forums→Relationships→Self esteem taking hits. Starting to feel like I'm not worth the effort

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • July 16, 2015 at 7:05 am #79944
    Ecotone
    Participant

    I have to add to my post. I’m especially struggling to understand what happened with this last woman. She contacted me alot. Texts first thing in the morning. Just to say good morning. Always responding quickly when I sent her a message. Telling me how she couldn’t wait to see me.
    Then one small mistake, which I instantly took responsibility for, and apologized for, and everything was shut down.
    I’m trying to let go of it because I know it just makes you suffer, and you can’t know what she is thinking.

    It is just that when you think someone sees the good in you then you can’t understand why they won’t try to give you the chance to keep show it to them.

    I don’t think I’m trying to get someone to validate me. It would be nice if they thought that you weren’t easy to give up on and forget.

    July 16, 2015 at 7:49 am #79946
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ecotone:

    I responded a few times to your previous thread. If you do not agree with what I am about to write, if it is not true to you, if you dismiss it, then I will let it be and not respond again to your thread.

    I asked you before what that joke was and made suggestions that it could have been an angry communication to her, or a passive aggressive one- I went on to suggest that maybe it is a cary over anger from your marriage. You wrote back that your communication to her was not at all angry and you insisted that she misinterpreted it, that her world was too full of sweetness, as you put it and that is why she was unreasonable in over reacting to your joke.

    If she was unreasonable- then you have nowhere to go forward to with her and nothing to learn from the experience. If there is any truth to what i suggested, then at the least you can learn something from it.

    Perhaps you still need to do some grieving work, process the hurt and anger at your ex wife who mistreated you…

    anita

    July 16, 2015 at 10:15 am #79953
    Ecotone
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I don’t know. I’m not passive aggressive. I don’t say mean spirited things to people. What happened with my ex is in the past, and I know that there are better women out there,that I’m just having trouble connecting to.

    I grieved a long time over what happened and if it sounds like there is some anger when I speak of her,then I think it would be tough for anyone who was with someone so long to not be disgruntled about them. People use the term toxic for certain people. This is now I’d describe her. I deal with her as little as possible because I feel drained after I do.
    It’s not something I bring to someone new. That is fresh and I want to build a new better story with them.

    I just wonder if part of my past is affecting my present.

    July 16, 2015 at 10:41 am #79957
    Ecotone
    Participant

    Hi again Anita,

    I’m am trying to move forward when comes to this last woman. Maybe I need to think about if it will actually be considered a joke if I say something to them. Give that aspect time to see what they are like. If I have to completely walk on eggshells around them, then I know it won’t work anyways.

    Maybe she had someone who said things that were rude to her all the time. Maybe it affected how much she would tolerate from someone. I’ll never know but I don’t want someone to feel hurt by things I’ve said. I try to make them feel like there could be no one else because there wouldn’t be.
    It’s self pity but I wish someone would see that I’m worth trying for.

    July 17, 2015 at 9:07 am #80006
    Rachel
    Participant

    Ecotone,

    I am in the same boat you’re in; you’re not alone! Dating in our 40’s is a different animal all together. At this age, we all have baggage, stress, pain, anger, etc., all at different levels and frequencies. The key is to date with an open mind and with no expectations.

    If you told this woman a joke and she took it the wrong way, unless you insulted her, which you say you didn’t, then that should tell you something. Maya Angelou said it best, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” My take is that this woman may be a little too sensitive. Why would you want to start a relationship with someone who can’t laugh at a joke? My gosh, life is hard enough, loosen up people!

    I have to admit I’m at a cross-roads now where I wonder if I can ever love again? Sad, but true. Time for me to reflect and do some soul searching.

    Don’t try to figure this woman out or try to figure out what you did wrong. Just take it at face value and move on.

    Good luck to you and I hope you find the love you deserve 🙂

    BE HAPPY!

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