Some interesting new research is showing that self-esteem and the pursuit of self-esteem is a zero-sum game.

Self-esteem is based an ongoing struggle of comparison, judgement, evaluation, and need for external validation. It’s a constant barrage of slings and arrows that your mind throws at you, “Am I successful?”, “How do I compare to others?”, “I will feel good about myself if…”

It’s a game you won’t be able to win.

Check this out instead: http://www.self-compassion.org/

Hi Oskari.. I read your post with interest as I (and it would seem many many people here and in the world) have self esteem issues. I don’t think age/sex/race or creed is immune to it.. and John’s reply was very thought provoking. Struggling with low self esteem is probably like trying to hit your own shadow..it is impossible to fight and we just end up exhausted!! It may come down to how we perceive self esteem. Is it “I am great! ” but underneath the awareness of our dark side still terrifies us and we lock it away in case anyone sees it and doesn’t like us for it? I don’t think so.. well not now anyway.. Self compassion, I believe, is the way. i often wonder what it is in the people I admire the most in my life.. and it is this.. having the integrity and honesty and courage to acknowledye their faults while not beating themselves up about them..those who are open and unafraid to be ‘vulnerable’..ie being fully human and yet not minding what others’ opinions are of them.
I may be wrong but inside it feels right. And it this I am working on in myself right now as opposed to trying to convince myself I am some super human happy clappy person! So maybe it could be something as simple as allowing all the ‘bad’ bits of you to come into your awareness and instead of judging them, or trying to even change them.. just sit silently with them and listen to what they have to say..with love. Try it. You might be surprised! Good luck!
(PS I am 46..! so there’s hope for us all!)

I’m surprised that you have this self-esteem issue in spite of your successes!

Find out why you have this feeling of low self-esteem. What are you trying to achieve? What will make you happy? Do you follow your heart or someone else’s?

I’ve been through a painfully shy childhood but have learned to open up and move on. Though I still have my struggles, I am happy and proud of what I have accomplished. I have also learned to have simple life and simple joys. In spite of my insecurities, I survive and always end up to say I am happy.

What adds to my joy is to be with people who have the same issue and so I created my own community – to learn from others and share what I have learned. One fo the key to self-improvement and self-belief is support from those who really understand you- those in the same situation. Cheers!