Hello Victor!

I think that the men here might have some valuable insights to give you, but I wanted to share couple of thoughts that came to mind reading your post.

The problem with the PUA approach, entitlement in general and thoughts of an ideal relationship is that there might be a desire to cast people in particular roles, instead of allowing them to be human beings with free will.

Instead of looking at a woman as a potential mate first, what if you’d look at her as a brand new person that you can get to know? Would you be interested in getting to know people and what their interests, hopes and dreams are, without placing expectations on them? Curiosity is a great antidote for fear. It’s like exploring a new territory. Without the curiosity, what would be the point of going on an adventure, when you could just sit at home and be comfortable.

If you like Osho, then I’d recommend his “Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other”. He talks about meeting another person just as you are and just as they are and how scary it can be, but how that is the essence of intimacy. You don’t want to desensitize yourself from other people (or be completely fearless). That’s not a way to have an intimate relationship. I know. I’ve done those mistakes! 🙂

Anyway, I’m sure that the men here can contribute in a way that someone who’s never been a young man never could 🙂

Victor,

In addition to TRs thoughtful words, consider that you perhaps take yourself too seriously. Your research into bliss, your steadfastly held intentions to be light, wise, awake… seem to be unintentionally increasing the attachment to views in your brain. Said differently, inner peace is like holding a bird in your hand. Squeeze too tight, squish, too loose, flies away. Desire to evolve is good, but too much, and it produces visions of Victory, which your bumbling fool of a body doesn’t have. That contrast can be very dissatisfying!

Consider a different approach. Instead of trying to be a champion of space and time, a Buddha, a hero… consider accepting your ignorance, and approach life with a gentle humility. Mistakes, yep, breathe move on. Success, yep, breathe, move on. Heroism blossoms naturally along the way.

From a different direction, consider that your fear of dancing with women is perhaps because you’re investing too much attention on it. A smile at you means too much, stepping on their toes means too much. Too investigative, too much “what does it meeeeeaaaaan?” This sets it up to be all about you, which closes off your creativity and passion… instead of sitting in appreciation of their beauty, you turn inward, thinking, considering.

The solution that works well for me and others, is to learn the balance between being investigative and playing. Women (or men), partners… are incredibly fun to dance with, play with, celebrate life with. Not “are you the one to break me free from my relationship slump”, but rather “care to share a dance with the stars?” The fear doesn’t rest in that space, its not about us, not directly. She want to? That’s her. She doesn’t want to? That’s her. OK, breathe, move on. Dance or keep exploring.

Finally, consider supplementing your meditation practice with metta meditation. If you’re noticing a big difference between what you know is right and how you act, metta can help increase the stability of your energy. Less of a gap. Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested. Sometimes we think we’re afraid of acting, when really its just our mind is out of concentration, expended. Said differently, courage is about trusting your inner light, which metta helps to grow very directly.

Namaste, brother, may your courage grow, bringing your dreams to fruition.

With warmth,
Matt