Sarah,

There doesn’t have to be a conflict.

Firstly, there is the physical reality of things. From a technical point of view, losing weight is not rocket science. You take in less energy than you expend. People can try to refute the calorie theory, but it still works. If you calculate your intake and your output over a longer period of time, you’ll see that it works. Sure, carbs, protein and fat all do different things and eating a more nutrient rich food is usually better than eating foods low in nutrients. But just to lose weight over time, it is enough to focus on calories. From that point of view, you are able to have takeout and enjoy a curry night without ruining your weight loss efforts. You’ll just have to make sure that over time, your intake is lower than your output. Some people do intermittent fasting, and eat normally during their eating window. So basically, they do eat the takeout and the curries, but they just don’t have it all the time. Or you might just eat lightly before a heavier meal or the day after it. This can be one of those things where it may look like someone is eating a lot, but somehow do not gain weight. They’re not magical. Sure, there are metabolic issues that should be taken into consideration, but their effect isn’t so big that they could completely negate our physical reality. Some people also naturally move more and fidget all the time, so they expend energy even without doing sports.

Secondly, we all know that the mental part is the one that usually makes things really difficult. Stress can also cause metabolic issues, but let’s just focus on the more spiritual part now. If you see yourself as unworthy of a relationship right now, then losing weight isn’t going to all of a sudden change that belief. You have to actually change your belief to be happy with yourself. Losing weight is not enough. You could have the perfect body and be in a relationship and still be miserable. Paradoxically, if you did feel happy about yourself and you were enjoying life, you might naturally start to eat less junk food or move more. How you feel about yourself would start to affect your decisions.

So, I don’t think that there is a conflict, but perhaps differences in how we view causality.

I actually have a lot of thoughts on this subject, as I’ve spent a lot of time on different diet forums and I’ve seen so many people who are stuck and can’t seem to see a way out. Reality is less complex than what it may seem like when you’re feeling down and stuck.

Big Blue, actually there are a lot of people who are in shape because they suffer from some form of self-loathing. They attach morality into eating and exercise (“if I eat junk food, I am a bad person; if I exercise every day, I am a good person”). If the underlying reasoning and intention is twisted, then even if you reach your goals, you’ll not feel at peace with yourself. This lack of self-acceptance also reflects on other people, and there are some nasty people out there who project their own body issues onto others.

The morality issue can also lead to either overtraining or self-sabotage. The strong belief that your worthiness is tied to your body image and eating and exercise patterns, can lead to a situation where all reason goes out the window. Skipping exercise or eating a pizza will cause anxiety. Or conversely, someone who truly believes that they are unworthy will constantly sabotage their attempts to exercise more or eat a bit less because it doesn’t fit their own image of themselves.

This is why I’m such a big proponent of “get your head straight first and don’t be too hard on yourself”. If you have a healthy mind, then the body will follow. It might take a while, but perhaps patience would be one vital part of a healthy mind 🙂

Hi The Ruminant,

Well said!

🙂

Big blue

PS: Over a year ago I was at my rock bottom. I accepted myself warts and beauty marks. I’ve been working hard since then and enjoying every moment of change. I love the gym and eating right.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Big blue.

Take time to meditate on your emotions. In this case, meditate on the resistance to doing things. This is a vital part of developing self-discipline – meditate on the emotions of resistance, apathy, aversion and other hindrances that hold you back. Until you have fully taken care of these fearful parts of yourself you will not be able to progress. As you know, you cannot talk yourself into being more motivated. Why? Because talk-thinking-ego operates at a subordinate level to feelings. Change the feelings and the thoughts will follow. heal the resistance/aversion and you will “suddenly” find yourself much more motivated and energized.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by tinybuddha.