Hello Everyone,

It’s been a while since I posted something but I figured I could use some insight and advice on some lifelong struggles I’ve been pulling through.

My parents have always had a messy relationship. There was always arguing, screaming, name-calling..you name it.I never knew what it was like to have two parents who loved eachother.This went on throughout my entire childhood and they divorced when I first entered high school. I’m grateful for my parents, but I can’t stand them. Let me explain. My father was emotionally abusive growning up. When it would rain outside he would tell his 3 small children that “God was punishing them.” My mother was always working to support a family of 5, since my father refused to work. My mom is an incredible woman, I get my strength from her, however, she doesn’t support anything I do, unless it’s something that she would want to do. This upsets me deeply as I want to make my mother happy, but I can’t do so without making myself miserable.

I am currently in college and when I go home I live with my mother and 2 siblings. I absolutely dread going home, but I do so because I work 2 jobs at home on the weekends. When I home (and not just in my house, but in the area in general) I feel displaced. I feel like I don’t belong. I have frequent flashbacks to all of the events throughout my childhood and highschool. Both were extremely unpleasant experiences for me and they haunt me. This is where I ask advice, my problem is that I can’t stop focusing on the negative experiences I have gone through because there has been so many and they have been very traumatic for me. Within the past year, I have been diagnosed with panic disorder and anxiety. My anxiety is so bad, that I find myself in shock that I’ve drove simple places by myself (such as the mall or grocery store.) I have become crippled by my anxiety. I still manage to work and sit in a classroom at school but every second of the day I am in panic and fear over something bad happening.

I would appreciate if anyone had any suggestions on what I should do, and is it expected in my case to be so traumatized for my past experiences that I don’t feel comfortable in the area I was raised?