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Seeking advice for moving on after being cut off by someone I love

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • February 16, 2015 at 7:51 am #72821
    Ian Ting
    Participant

    I will keep the long complicated story short. I fell in love with a lady who got together with me and realised she was only infatuated. We were only together for a month plus. I asked for a chance to let me win her heart and she agreed. However, things only went southwards from the breakup. I lost myself very quickly and caused whatever little good feelings she had left to die off quickly. I became very depressed during those months. I talked to two of her friends whenever I was depressed to ask for advice and one of them actually judged her as a player. I have never gave any indication that she was a player. It was an unintentional consequence. However, she was very mad at me and decided to call everything quits. Before we got together, I always thought I mattered to her as a good friend and she used to say I was someone important to her but she said hurtful truths like “I don’t trust you enough” and “I only tell you half the things I tell my friends” that night. She wanted us to stop contacting each other and wanted to remove me from her life. She even blocked me on whatsapp. I just felt so much grievance. I just think that for loving her all these while, she should have trusted me fully and not doubt my love for her and at least said we could be friends. Instead, she cut the strings. Now, I am just tired of having those painful thoughts replaying in my head. I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. I don’t want advice on relationships, I just want advice on how I can accept that I am completely out of her life and I was never that important to her. Any advice or articles that I can read?

    February 16, 2015 at 11:13 am #72825
    Khadija
    Participant

    Hi Ian Ting

    You’re hurting now, but with time it will get better I promise. Try and love yourself unconditionally, and when you finally realize you are worthy of love, you won’t settle for people who don’t treat you well, and who don’t make room in their lives for you.

    The best advice I read somewhere was that don’t rely on people for your source of happiness. Look inward, and love yourself first. Once you start believing you are worthy of love, you will be more confident and happy in your relationships. Hope this helps. X Khadija

    February 16, 2015 at 2:53 pm #72829
    Yue
    Participant

    Hi Ian,

    One of the most beautiful and crippling effect of love is that it’s something we give voluntarily and cannot expect anything in return. That’s why when it IS returned, it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. When it’s not, throwing more love behind it often doesn’t work, especially when it’s in the early stages. For example, in your case you were both at a 5 to start off with but the she went to a 3 while you’ve gone to an 8. You feel hurt because you feel that she is not returning your feelings but she is frustrated because you are feeling too much. Having experienced this on multiple occasions, it’s a tough one to navigate.

    My suggestion re distancing yourself away from her is keep yourself busy by creating events that you look forward to in your calendar. Also look at this as a growth experience in that it’s a step that helps you meet the woman of your dreams. DO NOT loiter around her life hoping for another shot through the back door.

    February 17, 2015 at 1:21 am #72873
    Ian Ting
    Participant

    You are spot on. I went to an 8 while she dropped to 3. I have learned my lesson that throwing more love at the initial stages doesn’t work well. I didn’t have to distant myself away from her since she already cut me off. I think feel too hurt to loiter around now even if she didn’t cut me off. I know time will heal but at the moment, I am just really tired and frustrated while trying not to dwell and feel sad. I think a love-hate feeling for someone is torturous. I hope the day I no longer think of the incident will arrive soon. This is really a growth experience for me. Thank you for your advice.

    February 17, 2015 at 2:50 am #72875
    Yue
    Participant

    Totally understand your frustration Ian and here is a tip that might help. Allocate a time to rage and grieve about the lost. Whether it is a good cry or a round at the punching bag. You will feel a lot better once that energy is released from you. The problem with holding it in is that it will be with you longer or have a way of sneaking up on you at the worst moment.

    Hope that helps.

    February 18, 2015 at 2:05 am #72927
    spice
    Participant

    Hi Ian
    I see most comments are about loving yourself unconditionally
    Can somebody tell me how to do that bcoz I’m in a similar posistion as this guy.
    I’d like to think that ma loving myself unconditionally. i dont smoke or drink & eat healthy
    I spoil myself whenever I can

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