Dear Shay,
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling depressed, and btw..rightly so. First of all, you are so mature and responsible to acknowledge that you have worked so hard to not become a product of your upbringing!! Brava!!! Do you have any friends or acquaintences you can talk with beside your family? You might want to think about talking to a social worker or someone from a church.

You are not alone..there are SO many people with the similar backgrounds like you and I applaud you for being so open and wanting to take action.

Your boyfriend does NOT deserve you. He is the one that is childlish and insecure. You are only going to make your self feel worse for remaining in this relationship.
I know your heart is breaking and its not easy. We have all been there in one time of our lives, but time heals all wounds and Time wounds all HEALS…which I think is an appropriate adjective for him.

He is making you feel like the one who has issues. Not true. You have the rest of your life to find someone who will care for you the way you ought to be treated….you are only 24 years old. You might be in love, but its better to move on from this now and put it behind you while he is disrespecting you.He is also quite older than you, so he has been around the block a few times.

Yous should be SO proud of yourself for going to college and getting a degree. You seem to be a lovely person, but too nice to this man.
I would try and talk with someone who can guide you to best way to leaving this relationship. Dont start a fight, but stay as sweet as you are by starting to save a little money each week and plan on what you need to do to move out. Are your debts his debts?? Sounds like you have gone into debt together.

You said you dont feel like your love is safe with anyone right now. Your LOVE is safe with YOU, and that is all you need right now to get you through. YOu are stronger than you think.
Is your Mom getting any help at all from her addictions?
I pray that you will find the strength to leave this relationship in a mature way. You will be better for it in the long run.
Please keep me posted.

Dear Shay,

I would like to thank you wholeheartedly for having the courage to share your pain here. I’m glad you feel this is a safe space for you to do so 🙂 Reading your words, there is so much positive light in the midst of your struggle.

The most important thing is you are SO aware! Being aware of one’s situation is half the battle. Sadly, there are millions of people out there in the world suffering from childhood & family trauma just like yours. You are not alone. However, many of us are simply not aware of this and become angry as we try to figure out what’s going on. You clearly understand what’s going on in your life and the reasons why. You come across as intelligent, articulate, brave, soulful and wise. These are qualities that are obviously in you and will always be there – use them!

Maybe this is time to have a conversation with YOU. Take your relationship completely off the table. Make it irrelevant for a while and make the focus of your healing solely about you. Ask yourself some powerful questions. Here’s some to get you started:

* What’s going on with me?
* If my relationship didn’t exist, what would my life look like?
* What would I be experiencing?
* What’s possible for me?
* What can’t I do right now?
* Why can’t I do this?
* What’s in the way?
* What do I need to get by?
* What’s my ideal life look like?
* What’s missing right now?
* What am I frightened of?
* What’s true about this fear?
* How do I know what’s true?
* What’s the best that can happen?

Hopefully some of these may get you thinking a little differently and kick-start your movement into another direction.

You are a wonderful woman, Shay. Appreciate what you have, what you are capable of and what’s possible for you. It’s a whole lot more than you possibly think right now.

I wish you love, peace and wellness. You deserve it!

Matt.