Hi Bethany,

One of my favorite quotes is “Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.” I love that quote because it stops me from beating myself up. There are unique lessons that can be mined from situations others might label as “learning the hard way.” Savor them! You probably understand the reality of things better than others.

I have a friend who goes to Spenders Anonymous and Debtors Anonymous. While it’s not for everyone, a lot of people go to twelve steps groups for the nonjudgemental environment. If you aren’t familiar with it, perhaps you would like to try. My friend has done a 180 since going and she said it changed her life. Also, she recommended a Jerrold Mundis book called “How To Get Out of Debit, Stay Out of Debt, and Live Prosperously.” Personally I don’t think you can get out of situations with the same thinking that got you into it. If being judgemental hasn’t worked, perhaps another method will give you results.

Concerning your DH, if money isn’t your strong suit, that doesn’t make you “lesser.” If you were to look at a stranger in this position, would you think it was better that the wife who struggles with money have total control or the DH? Detach from your ego and just observe what serves you and what doesn’t.

Lastly, as far as self talk, I would make a list of behavior changes you would like to make and then proceed each day as a new day.
“I am proud of myself because I only spent what I budgeted for today.”
“I am proud of myself for keeping track of what I spent.”
“I am proud of myself for not compulsively buying xyz”
“I am proud of myself for being completely honest with my dh today.”
“I am proud of myself for puttting x in savings today.”

I don’t know what will resonate wtih you, but the more you can focus on little behavior changes and feeling proud of those day by day, the more likley you’ll feel momentum. “If you focus on results, you’ll never change. If you focus on changes, you’ll see results.”

Good luck!