Have a lunch date tomorrow with a gal I know. She is college educated, in the earlier part of her mid-twenties. Only downside is that she has a small child from a previous relationship, and so not that big on kids (probably due to my upbringing). She is attractive , and absolutely lights up when she sees me. I mean her reaction to seeing me is like how I felt inside when I saw the last gal. Ran into her again at a restaurant today and she went out of her way to save, say hi, etc. she was enthusiastic about meeting tomorrow.

Would say that there is probably a 15 year age difference. Feels a bit like robbing the cradle.

Is nice to have a woman happy to see me.

The more I think about this woman, the more I smile inside about her. Just might be better than what I thought I had with the previous woman. I believe that this woman is single at the moment, as she just referenced living with just her daughter.

She is actually cuter than the previous one. In many respects, she is beautiful. Not my “ideal,” but seems to have good physical attributes, just wish that she was taller.

I know that she is college educated, because I know her very remotely from work.

My previous interest claimed that she was was glass-half full. I thought that maybe her moodiness was caused by stress, or PMS when I noticed her icy-cold approach and a couple of days later observed behaviors that led me to believe she was having her period, or something else.

i am a bit concerned that I saw the previous woman be anxious to go to lunch with me, including waiting outside of the courtroom for me to get done. Of course, I had to seek her out to initially get that date.

Not used to having a woman somewhat pursue me. She came up to my table the first time and sat down and couldn’t seem to stop looking at me.

Not used to having a woman so interested. But damn, I feel good when I am with her. Like I said, the smile of a woman gives me a feeling of wellbeing and completeness that I have not found elsewhere.

Anxious and nervous about tomorrow. Apart from being shorter than ideal and having a child, she fits most of what I am looking for.

I think that I will take off the body armour for that date. I think I will trust her. I don’t know why, I want to trust her. I will approach it from an optimistic point. I will give it a shot at being approachable and being positive.

Always thought that it was the men who wound up having to pursue women. Thoughts on what I should take away from her interests? I think I can take away that she is at least interested in me as a person. She doesn’t know of my financial resources. I am not that great looking, so she probably isn’t interested in me for my looks. Perhaps she is interested in me for me?

Bah, had som confusion as to time, but she stayed to meet. Seemed really natural, she was laughing, etc. she is so older than I thought, probably early to mid thirties, and just looks so younger. She has an advanced degree too. She was showing me pictures of her daughter.

Despite her not being “ideal” so-to-speak, I like her. I don’t feel that same level of being “smitten” as I did with the previous woman, but I like her. Perhaps it’s the oddness of her being so interested.

A bit concerned as she is starting the process of getting a divorce from her prior husband. They have been separated for some months. Of course, people do make mistakes, but I don’t want to be a rebound. The unlike the last woman, she likes being here.

Next step is to set up another lunch date.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder. She wanted my number to get in contact with me. I gave her mine, but did not ask for hers, indicating that I would get it from her when she texted. Haven’t heard anything :/. Maybe I made a mistake by not asking for it, but the last woman got really touchy about that.

She asked about kids and I said they were okay. Hope I didn’t screw anything to up. Let her talk a lot about her history, etc. she apologized for going on about it so much, told her it was fine.

The last time I saw a woman light up like that to see me was back in grad school. It felt wonderful:). Much better than the previous woman. I felt really positive around her. I didn’t feel any desire to make snide or negative comments. I felt relaxed, not stressed around her. Felt no need to prove anything. We stared deeply into each others’ eyes. Everything seemed natural. Nothing seemed forced.

Hope that there is a second round. Would really enjoy being with her again.

I also didn’t want to push for too hard, because she is still married. If I didn’t do anything incorrect, I think this could work.

Highly educated, beautiful in a different way than the previous woman (more toward the cute side), full of life, seems a bit money stressed, but she would have no idea of my resources.

Just hope I hear back.

Is it possible for somebody to have a divorce and pick up right away with a successful relationship?

Going out of state on business next week, leaving on Saturday. So, will have to look later out.

Haven’t heard back. Who knows. Probably like everything else and going to hell in a handbasket.

Couldn’t locate today. Oh well, been a week of things going to hell in a handbasket anyway. Kind of fitting. Find something that looks good only to have it appear to go splat too.

I don’t really know. Had suggested something after hours then mentioned that I had forgotten she had a kid when I suggested it. I can’t recall anything else that I said, though maybe it has to do with timing and the papers not yet being filed. Who knows. Just one more relationship that looks to have tanked.

Maybe she picked up on the high level of stress right now, who knows. Can’t imagine why I’d seem a bit stressed, two significant trials this month book ending my birthday (wheee), appeals due early next month, a trip to Bismarck early next month, and a BS trip that is supposed to start today. Oh, and getting surprise projects tossed in too, that result in rearranging existing meetings for the significant trials, and requiring time to figure it what the project is.

My goal of getting out more and trying to get into a relationship by the end of August; bah. Looks like ending up another year of the same old stuff.

I admit that at this point, I am just kind of tired. I am supposed drive 400 miles to Fargo today, got kept up to after midnight, now can’t get to sleep. Like I said, things just going to hell this week. Rather fitting that this potential relationship should to.

I am really tempted to just pack up and move to somewhere, truly leave family behind, never ever deal with them again. Couldn’t even get packed in peace without crap, and what about this that, and the other thing. Didn’t even want to take the trip let alone be accompanied. I don’t have time for it, I don’t want to drive it, and if I had time for travel I’d sure not go there. But here I am, stuck with it for trying to appease people. The way this week is going, maybe my car will get flattened by a semi; would certainly take care of worrying about the the upcoming BS.

Really starting to think that maybe I am just not compatible with relationships. While I would love to find somebody, somebody to kiss goodnight every night and kiss good morning every morning, just not sure that it is viable. There is a deep longing, and, being a bioscience guy, I know that quite a bit of that is hardwired, but experience is saying something different. Did you become a mathematician if you are bad at math?

I wish I was better at putting down this internal conflict. I will say that my life has felt worse since being stupid enough to let family move in. Feeling all the crap I fled from. Can’t believe I was so stupid. I try to do the dutiful thing, again, and get screwed. I move 2600 miles to get away from the crap, and was stupid enough to bring it back. Just feels like things have been going wrong since then. Now, she has pretty much given up any pretext of moving. I asked folks I know in my line of work, and I pretty much got a negative reaction from them about trying to make her move out. Gah, I hate this bs. When I go to work, I don’t have any privacy in my things at home anymore. I come back and find things have been gone through, etc. I am even getting periodic calls at work about crap that doesn’t matter.

I really don’t want to have to, but I may have to pull out of my investments to find new living arrangements. I simply can’t do this. I can’t go to sleep. I wake up edgy and in pain. Despite knowing that I don’t like watching the news, she has now gotten to standing in my door and talking about all the crap that had been spewed forth in the news. I can’t even think straight at times.

Right now, massively on edge. Looking at spending a week doing something I don’t want to, knowing I have more important things to do.