Home→Forums→Relationships→Saving myself from pain or wasting time
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Eli.
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January 29, 2014 at 5:47 pm #49967
EliParticipantHi there, I have registered just now, “just” for you… ;-D… so reading the above my impression in brief is: 1/in your mind you are 200% over of the lady, 2/you are still feeling guilty for leaving her 3/your emotions are not following the decision of your mind as “fast” as you “need” it, as the logic of your brain would “dictate” (normal) 4/you wanted to experience calmness of your soul “immediately” but it is not happening (again) as fast as you “believed” it would/should take place 5/you are still attached (normal) and thus not fully concentrating on what is (a)waiting for you “in the future”. Suggestions: give yourself, your emotions more time to “accept” facts at all levels, let yourself feel happy for your freedom, embrace failure of relationship, praise your dedicated time “sacrificed” on its altar, let the lady recover on her own with HER friends from the situation, make a decision on the limits you might be “available” for help, or just simply move out of her life…
January 29, 2014 at 10:59 pm #49989
SauravParticipantFirst of all Thanks a lot that you took the trouble, Eli…..! 🙂
Okay, so the problems are really simple..or silly…or have I put too much of time, effort, feelings for no reason..? Am I being “sooooo-un-necessarily” emotional? I thought this is what happens with most because the basics never change and who isn’t…(sigh).
Here you aptly got the number 3 and 4! This makes me feel that I am not alone which I used to think that I can’t express myself and people wont understand so keeping to me was the only option. The way you explained, it really gave an uplift!
You know, “on-ya-face” kinda..! 🙂But, yes, the sad part number 5 is still there. I think I will wait and watch.
Best Wishes once again!!
January 30, 2014 at 3:23 am #49993EliParticipantSaurav, you are welcome. (I checked the meaning of your name. this is a strong one, so please be “up to it”). Please forgive me my English as I am not a native English speaker and I just admire the way you are writing even though “in a rush”…
So just some quick reactions: the problem is as big as you make it; you put as much time, effort and feelings in anything as much you feel it is necessary plus a bit more to be “sure” hehehe, or not to be “blamed” (yeah!)…. It is goooooood to be emotional.. the best!!! at least YOU can FEEL that you are ALIVE!!!!; numerology.. is good, but one shall not be “addicted”, trust the good part, and just “have in mind” what ever is not that much “in favour” of “whatever-the issue-shall-be “;you are NEVER alone, just look into the “right direction” or around, see I “found” you too, “the totally unknown” person, most probably from the other end of the world; sharing ourselves with others is good, just find some you trust a bit, you do not need to share all, with one this part of the story, with the other the other part etc. might serve well your spiritual welfare ; I am happy, very happy with the “uplift” result and laughed at the “on-ya-face” kinda expression.. So, good luck, do not “watch” to much drama on “reality TV”, instead meet the nature, and talk to the water.. seriously.. have to go, bye
January 30, 2014 at 6:40 am #50002SauravParticipantIs this some kind of “healthy” reality check…cos I already feel different! Last night when I started I was down…sitting alone and trying to dive deep into my pains and today I am replying with family around (yeah gave them a visit, hehe), now laughing out at how “drama”tic I must have sounded….LOLs!!
You too take care!!
January 30, 2014 at 8:56 am #50011EliParticipantGood, now imagine my big smile on my face and that I am adding a tick to my “today’s good deed” list… hehe Cheers
January 30, 2014 at 10:25 am #50020SauravParticipantEli, as an ‘overnight grown-miles-apart-friend’ :), one small last thing I wanted to ask.
Whenever something bad happens to me I see (or try to see) a pattern in it that repeats. Its like, I want something very exclusive and somehow God gifts me every time ONLY to spend some amount of time with it and take it back. My Dad was the best inspiration, and his teachings are still, in my life and most of the times he would understand and suggest me things ahead to get me out of any trouble…by the time I was able to make him happy completing studies, getting a job and give him a family every dad wants, I lost him due to cancer. I was also happy with HER as I proposed and got someone whom I liked and loved but all the time this fear was there that this would repeat and tried consciously to avoid. But it did.
This makes me think, why it is like this or is it destined to happen to me? anything that I am doing wrong… :O You will be given what you want…you spend your quality time with it…..and then all of a sudden it will be taken away from you without even considering anything… Does this happen with other’s also…
January 30, 2014 at 11:04 am #50026EliParticipantSaurav thank you for considering me a “new” good friend, as I had similar feelings towards you. Honesty always, ALWAYS, pays off. For your question not asked: I am female and to be 40 this year, virgo hehehe, apologies in case there was no such question at all). Please, allow me some time to react on your “small last thing” a bit later as I am myself deeply involved in my turbulent emotional moments and now MY case has the Priority for app. two days and thus I cannot focus “well enough” on other issues… will be back soon then OK?!
February 2, 2014 at 3:01 am #50141EliParticipantSaurav, have you received this message from me sent to you 2 days ago?
“Saurav thank you for considering me a “new” good friend, as I had similar feelings towards you. Honesty always, ALWAYS, pays off. For your question not asked: I am female and to be 40 this year, virgo hehehe, apologies in case there was no such question at all). Please, allow me some time to react on your “small last thing” a bit later as I am myself deeply involved in my turbulent emotional moments and now MY case has the Priority for app. two days and thus I cannot focus “well enough” on other issues… will be back soon then OK?!”
Anyway, I am back.
So rereading your last message my impression was that you have the “basic problem of fear” that most of the people share. As we are given the power of creation, we have to be careful with our thoughts, desires and fears as creation starts “up” there and in our minds. What you have your thoughts around and your feelings attached to will affect the reality you are (subconsciously first) creating that, sooner or later, will manifest .
If you fear loss, it is going to take place.
It is good and necessary to be cautious to avoid accidents etc. but fear means that you are awaiting something bad to happen, and depending on how strong your fear is you start “preparing” yourself for the situation with “action plans”. Being able to see “options” is good. Being emotionally attached to the case of the “worst case” scenario is contra productive, and works like an “invitation” as “this is what you are believing in the most and expecting to take place” so universe sais: “let it be”.
Your desire for the “something very exclusive” is weaker than your “fear of loosing it soon”.
Full happiness is momentarily. “Keeping happiness in our lives” is a continuous work including many difficult times. (But who the H..ll cares hard work if it pays off well -with many appy “moments” hehe)
Create your own “watch dog” of thoughts and feelings then replace negative thoughts and feelings with “affective” ones or simply ignore their “existence” saying e.g. “delete, delete”.
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One of our goals on Earth is to be happy on “our OWN merit” and shine our happiness onto others, sharing it with those who are receptive.When I love somebody, I am happy for his/her happiness either it is in line with my-whatever-my-idea-might-be-on-the issue” or not.
If you love and respect me, you accept my choices as they are. You have the right to express your disagreement or your “doubting” feelings of any kind might you not agree with my choices, and that is it.
So all this is for your thoughts with regard to your Dad- as well.
I believe with death we “just” change dimension, leaving our bodies here while our soul continuous its existence “somewhere else”; thus whenever you have a thought of , question to, or moments to share with your Dad, he IS there in his spirits and provides you answers his way -if any.
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What we do is what we think to be the best solution that given moment. At a later time in the future we might realise, understand that there were better options but WE were not ready yet, they were not the part of OUR “truth” yet. And it does not matter at all. In the future, if one is wise enough, the recognition and identification of the similarity between past and present situations (e.g.: with the help of the above mention “watch-dog”) we can have better choices then previously we had.
Off I go now…
February 2, 2014 at 12:03 pm #50151SauravParticipant🙂 just, no words…..just things to think about….!!
One worthy share: http://www.upworthy.com/what-is-depression-let-this-animation-with-a-dog-shed-light-on-it (let me know in case you get to go through it :P)
I did keep coming back for the reply and this shows why! 🙂
Talking about Dad, I still follow ways he had shown…and never try to feel he is no more with us…instead, i remember all the good times we had together and make up the rest of it.This time, I just hope with all my heart you get out of the turbulent situation you are in sooner and in what way!!
Regards – Saurav
(Smile on the face of pain…give it no importance….make them realize you are ready and you will get out of it….IT’s YOUR OWN! )February 2, 2014 at 12:05 pm #50152SauravParticipantAnd I did get your message 2 days back 🙂 Actually i waited and found both of them on the same day…hehe!
February 3, 2014 at 9:16 pm #50249EliParticipantHi Saurav, I am back.
THANK YOU for being a good friend and sending your good wishes and warm caring thoughts out for me!
I needed them and I am sure were a great “back up power” for me.I proudly (with low tune) pronounce that “problem solved”! heheheehe.. It was a nice “game”, though a tough one. But I like to be quick and not to waste time on “lost” cases as I love myself. (Kisses to my arm…). Thank you for your link I checked it too, and I would like to call your attention to this one I found for myself as “extra support” on “my issue”: http://www.kktanhp.com/law_of_karma.htm. The text is very to the point though complex but crystal clear in its wording (for me at least).
Well, I have the smile on my face (can you “feel” it?) as I have a very good sense of humour (told by others too) and I love “playing with self-irony”.
I am ready, out of it, and all mine!
Cheers
February 5, 2014 at 10:35 am #50343SauravParticipantExactly, I do feel it….I won’t exaggerate but….even if you were dealing with something, I could feel it from the last two replies…Truly!! 🙂
It is soo good to see you happy!!..I pray it remains forever!The way you aptly understood…actually the understanding was more awesome than the resolutions to it, that I got stuck to…hehe…and the lucid flow was plausible in every aspect..This made me feel you have seen a lot and at the same time very jolly by heart!
About my problem with which I started, I am getting a hold of me….after talking. I will always remember this! I was helped more than any other ways! Thanks! (hehe)
Currently travelling back to Work place..hence delay in reply..also trying to understand ‘Karma”…i have to admit..that is DEEP….haven’t finished it yet! 😛Regards – Saurav, Best Wishes!!
February 7, 2014 at 11:28 pm #50540EliParticipantHi Saurav,
Sorry for being “so long” away. Thank you for your kind words. I believe I am on the right path to make things better for myself and all around -just the way “you sound” you are.
I am so happy that I could contribute to someone’s “inner balance” “out there” this way as well. There were two reasons I “registered” (maybe a hidden third exists but that was “initiated by my subconscious” for myself*) to this blog.
One was the way you explained your problem, while the second was your last question asking for help: “anyone”?
As I know from experience how it feels to be “left alone” without anyone around who “seems” to be “good, adequate” etc. enough to “show a way out”, and as I strongly felt that I had things to say, thus it was a kind of “obligation” for me to do so. (The first time ever via blog).Anyway, I will travel next weekend too. I am going to have a very busy 2014 to “clean situations up” and to get ready for something new and better.
Will talk to you -my friend.
Take care, “do the work” and best wishes to you too!
Eli
Ps.: *Due to my registration to Tiny Buddha I discovered other very useful sites as well helping me out of my “turbulent moments” hehee. Pay-back: ticked!..
February 8, 2014 at 1:50 am #50544
AnyoneParticipantHi Saurav,
Yes, it does happen. I recently had two breakups. 1) Marriage – I’m sure you understand how difficult it is to break a marriage in India! Pheeeww.. Yes, I came over it!
2) Relationship.Of late, I had been blaming myself over these two failures in relation. I thought the problem was with me, may be I was wrong that’s MY relationships broke. 1) 6 year relationship and 2) 3 years.
Practically speaking, our generation has changed. It’s no more like our parents who would stick around with each other in the marriage no matter what. We are more like, if it’s not working and if we are not happy, we will move forward rather than being stuck. Here comes the phase which we find difficult, to live alone, and make up for the heartbreak.
Always, it just takes time. And partially, it also depends on how much we are ready to help ourselves come over with it. Your blog tells that you want to get over with it and move forward. Which in itself is a good sign. And my friend, you’re way too lucky to not have married the wrong person; it could have been a mess among families and society.
Just remember, ‘Life goes on’. Whenever you’re emotional and stuck with the past feelings…Say to yourself….’Life goes on’.
Cheers!
Stay blessed and all the best for your career in photography.February 25, 2014 at 11:12 am #51726SauravParticipantHey Eli :),
It seems like ages I logged in last. Trust me, whatever it is, the page and your helping words were always with me throughout this time (just got hell lot busy with work)! 🙂To start with, I feel good Eli…..yes, I believe that tells a lot. I am still single and not in a hurry to get along with someone. Importantly, right now I don’t have that urge which is working for me :).
I realized – you don’t have to be in pain and sorrow for WHATEVER happened before. You got one life, it’s yours and the happiness of it should not depend on anything else other than you. As you rightly said, irrespective from who you are, from where you belong or whatever you do or whatever your socio-economic status is or whatever the hell the reason is – the feelings are basic and it can be felt and understood who has once gone through it. We even feel that urge to help others like the way it happened when you ‘registered’ just to reply to me because you also felt the same :). Fact is that pain is hard but also we should understand we are not the only one and this is not the last time that we are feeling it. It just comes in different forms. So if that is the case and feelings are more generalized like this then you can choose not to be in pain, not necessarily. And to recover from it you just need to try and ‘importantly’ try to get something helpful from it by thinking and tuning yourself in the right way. One good thing is when we share happiness it grows and sorrow, pain – they just become less every time. For me, my friends knew about me but it was someone whom I didn’t know and then we connected and got the same helpful advice that actually made me realize that everything comes down to me and no one else. Opening up to a stranger and getting their views was an eye-opener for me that I may be wasting time. I would like to tell everyone that guys, it’s hard but definitely you can do it and it’s worth it. Just try it (and try genuinely). We all are born and grow up with people around us and try to attach our expectation and likes and dislikes around them WHICH again depends only on our thoughts when they also have their own ideas about happiness. So it is just pretty natural, actually almost all of them, that they collide, heartbreaks happen and by that time we would have spent such a long time and get obsessed by it that we feel like everything is lost. But that’s not at tall true. All your sufferings and pains are created by your own behavior and those go away with you. No one gives a damn about it when you are not there so why would you.Lastly, I kind of feel good about myself because I am no longer thinking about the phase or I am trying to get a logical explanation of what was happening. Most of all I try to make myself busy and not to think about it. After some time it would stop coming. There are so many things in this world that you can get engaged with and time would fly before you know it. Just think of the parallel universe that what if he/she had not been a part of your life? How would that be like…..and believe me the world is waiting to accept you with open arms and give you such good surprises, feelings or moments that your ‘just one life’ would be JUST TOO SHORT to have all of them!! 🙂 Last words of Karma, Its up to you about what you want to feel for the most of the part of your life, so choose intelligently and live happy.
(P.S. Is it chemical…I have serious doubts…??!! :D)
God Bless!!
Regards,
Saurav -
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