Greetings and Happy Valentine’s Day

I posted a few weeks ago about my relationship ending after three years together. It has been difficult for me to move on emotionally and let go. The last time I saw him was Dec 27, 2013, although we have been in semi-regular communication via text and email. We’ve had one phone call since the breakup. Our post-breakup communications have run the gamut from forwarding Dilbert cartoons to discourse about issues in our relationship. He did not/does not want the relationship to end. I have spent the last year or more trying to make things work with him and have ultimately decided that we just don’t work together, as horribly sad as it is to walk away.

My problem is that because he does not want our relationship to be over, he is continuing to behave in a manner as if we are still together. For example, he texts me every morning telling me “Have a good day, Gorgeous Woman”. Yesterday, he sent me flowers to the office for Valentine’s Day and he just texted me now to say he planned another surprise for me but it is delayed and won’t arrive until next week. He has asked me to go to breakfast, to his son’s hockey games, hiking with my dog and so on, all invitations I have declined and told him that I am not in an emotional place to spend time with him. I feel very betrayed by him and am not emotionally removed enough to get together as “friends”. To be fair, I have had some emotional low points where I’ve sent him a text saying “I miss you” or for instance I “liked” a photo of the two of us on Facebook in happier times. But I don’t believe I’ve done or said anything that has given a strong signal that he should continue trying to pursue me.

I am torn because a selfish part of me is liking the attention and feeling the love he is continuing to shower on me, but I am starting to feel it’s unfair to him. My stylist assured me that it’s ok to have a “safety net” in terms of my emotions, and allowing his attention to help me through this. Then I think that this is a choice HE is making – if he wants to continue to make these overtures, that is his decision and it is not my responsibility to “look out” for him. I do have codependent tendancies and often think about others’ needs before my own, so this whole thing doesn’t sit well with me. But to be honest, I know if/when the attention stops, I will feel a void.

Any perspectives others can offer? I know my emotional health is mine to own, my happiness has to come from within me and not be based on the attention I do or don’t get from someone else. At the same time, I spent three very intense years with this person and he means very much to me.