Home→Forums→Tough Times→Run down by depression, nothing to live for.
- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 11 months ago by
TJTeller.
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June 12, 2018 at 2:42 am #212153
AnonymousGuestDear Kat:
It reads like your parents have treated you like you were a criminal, your whole life, that you live in prison with many restrictions and very few privileges.
No wonder you “feel disconnected from reality”- you are in prison. Not seeing freedom happening in your life any time soon feels like “there is nothing to look forward to”
I am thinking that first priority is to free yourself from the prison, that is your home, move out. Once you move out you will still have to deal with the damage that having lived in prison for so long has caused you.
But first thing, free yourself, somehow. How…?
anita
June 16, 2018 at 6:17 am #212695
TJTellerParticipantI feel your anger and frustration and how those emotions are shutting you in. Still, it sounds like your parents love you very much and are trying the best they know how to keep you safe and on a path to being a successful adult. True, the ways in which your parents try to keep you safe also keep you from being independent and learning from your own mistakes. You can keep going the way you are, which doesn’t sound very satisfying or healthy for you, or you can try something different which will be very hard.
What is your plan for your life and how to you plan to achieve it? What are the dreams your parents have for you and how are they trying to make them happen for you? Perhaps if you can think deeply about these two questions, journal about them, meditate on them, really explore the two different ideas, you can begin to understand your parents and better understand yourself. You can work on being the hero in your own story and stop being a victim.
When you feel grounded and confident, a next step might be to sit down with your parents and share with them what your plans and dreams are and at the same time ask your parents what their plans and dreams are for you. Listen to their words and feel their emotions just as you would like them to listen and feel for you.
Seek areas where you agree, imagine steps forward together. You can do this.
June 20, 2018 at 6:51 am #213259
EviParticipantDear Kat,
I can feel you, I am also from an Asian family. This culture of family-bonding/togetherness allows parents to take control of their children’s lives, it doesn’t matter the children are over 20 or 30 years old. I had the same experience growing up- just like you. My parents would be very angry when I just went out with my friends, or go to the movie. (I don’t know what’s wrong with going to the movie).
Long story short, it was painful, until I got accepted into a good University, and I had to move to another city. There was no choice, because my hometown is a small town, and there is no good university in town. My family is poor, and despite their treatment for me, they agreed to send me to the university (I have to younger brothers, which it would become my responsibility to pay for their education once I finished college).
That time, it was literally the best day of my life, when I left home. Nobody angry with me on daily basis anymore. I was struggling with money and had to find a part-time job here and there, but at least I’m not at home. I can think for myself, I can make my own decision. I made friends, found hobbies, joining extracurricular, whatever I would like to do. And I am still doing well with my study, not doing drugs or anything bad. I have my life.
I am still having issues with my parents until today, I think it’s the assignment of my life. (we cannot change family aren’t we?) I know if you have been living at home your whole life, it would be scary to move out, because you will be on your own. So my first advice, take courage, move out of your home.
Best,
Ivy
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