Hey both – how’s it all going?

@Genie. Feeling any better at all yet?  I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a bit of anxiety, it can hit people physically too. Have you been able to get outside at all – are you still running when you can? Both are really good ways of helping to dump stress – as well as here, obviously 🙂   Yeah, the longer it goes, the weirder it feels, especially as I’m a hugger/physical contact kind of person so a phone call is just not the same for me. But my Mum managed her first video call this weekend and it was good just to be able to see her & my Dad in the background – he’s not a camera person at all 😉  So just keep in touch with them all as much as you can and carry on unleashing here for sure..

I’m glad you got where I was coming from re your decision – when I was still working I used to mentor younger women (one of the few things I miss actually) and some of them weren’t so good as thinking for themselves as you are. So I’ve got a bit more cautious over the years!  Sounds to me like it’s the right decision for you though. Now I just want to hear about what inventive plan you come up with for your first iso-date alone….

@Adelaide. The PJ/ice-cream party is wonderful….both inventive, thoughtful and fun! Clearly this other woman is very into you to have thought about the icecream and I bet the flower cookies have gone down well. I love it – it’s great to read how you are both reaching out and making it work even in these crazy times.

It’s interesting you are resilient in other areas and I’m glad it’s not just me with the wacky sense of self-humour 🙂    But it does suggest that it’s more likely simply a lack of confidence in the romance area rather than self-esteem generally, so yeah, the more you practice the less scary and strange it all is…  It is weird isn’t it when you first realise that different people react differently. It sounds so obvious after all.  But it isn’t until you experience it in real life that you actually truly understand or feel it. So yeah, I’m glad you are seeing that just because your ex reacted one way to something you’d say/do,  it isn’t necessarily how other people react.

Catch up soon both, take care

Hey both

Fabulous news about the isodate Genie! Very excited for you. I’m sorry to hear you continue to feel unwell; agree with Michelle that some fresh air and time outdoors would probably be good. I can understand why that may worry you though.

I am based in New Zealand; you may have heard our PM’s response being praised. Very strict lockdown measures from very early on, prior to any deaths. Of course it helps that we are an island at the bottom of the world but the swift response seems to have done the trick and I feel very grateful indeed to be here. From next Tuesday we will move down a lockdown ‘level’ to being able to get takeaways delivered – but otherwise still at home – looking forward to not having to cook every night! After two weeks of that they will review the situation and hopefully from there restrictions can be gradual eased. Very grateful to have a timeframe – many other places are not so lucky because things have got out of control. And I am lucky to have very strong social networks so have been catching up with heaps of friends virtually, as well as my flatmates in person. Am thinking of you both and hope you and your families keep safe and well! And yes it is hard not to get into politics eh!!

Isodate went well! Movie we watched was average but we messaged throughout so didn’t really matter, then FaceTimed for a bit after. She said she enjoyed my company and thanked me for a great time and yet my anxiety was gnawing at me again all night, about how the conversation went and what I did or didn’t say, whether she enjoyed it really or was just saying that. Same old! My instinct is always to reach out and seek reassurance but I learned with my ex that when I’m in this space no amount of reassurance works. So instead I just sat with it and as suspected felt better throughout the day. She messaged me to check in late afternoon and we texted on and off all evening – playfully and quite often flirtatiously. I really enjoy her company even at a distance and she obviously enjoys mind also! As I think I said my ex never really texted just to make conversation and it made me feel very insecure so I am still getting used to the difference in communication style but it’s definitely positive and I’m glad I didn’t let my anxiety drive my reaction. Seems like we are on track for another isodate at some point and  hopefully one in person soon enough!

Thanks for your kind words about relearning things. This sort of thing is a lifetime of work but given my progress in the last six months I am excited about further positive changes. Just gotta keep working at it eh.

Take care both. Make sure you tell us about your impending isodate Genie! I’m in my cheerleading T-shirt for you. 🙂

Hey both, how goes it?

@Genie.  How’re you feeling now – was the doctor able to help much?  At least if it is a uti getting the right antibiotics clears that up really fast. I felt better literally a couple of hours later last time I suffered that one.  I did have to smile at how smart you are – I’m glad you got where I was coming from on helping yourself not to feel so isolated. I get the CF thing, a friend of ours suffers from the same and has to be so careful.  I still think it’s possible to go out without increasing the risk so long as you stay away from everyone but I get why you don’t want to take the chance. My nephew is likewise a high-risk kid and so my sister is having a nightmare having to wash everything that gets delivered/comes from outside the house, strange times.

The date with Jay sounded cool. Are you organising the next one or is he? Hope you blew him a kiss at the end 😉  Cheerleading t-shirt likewise firmly on for you!

@Adelaide.  Funny eh, you’re on an island at the bottom of the world and we’re on an island at the top – and how different it all is! NZ has been on our list of places we want to go for a long time – we’ve always put it off until I retired as two-three weeks wouldn’t be enough for us, especially if we did Oz at same time too. We had a couple of great RV trips across US/Canada and would love to do the same in NZ – some of the hikes look amazing too. So it’s definitely getting higher up our list – as & when we are ever allowed out of the UK again!  NZ has handled all this really well and it’s so nice to see some countries coming out the other side ok now. Long way to go but light at the end of the tunnel. The difference a good leader makes eh. Though at the end of the day it’s people who vote the leaders in – so I’m just hoping we learn something about what’s actually useful in a leader….!

Your isodate sounds like it went really well again. I’m so glad you managed to sit with your anxiety and wait it out instead of caving in to it. However much reassurance you seek, it’s never enough – it’ll last for a little while and then the same old insecure gnawing pit in your stomach returns. The only way out is exactly that ignoring it, doing your best to believe and know you are good enough, that they do like/love you. Basically trusting in the growing relationship…which does sound like it’s going really well. What’s planned next? I can’t imagine how exciting and nerve-wracking a first real date will be – how far away does she live, will it be easy to sort something out?

Take care both.

Many of us keep doing hard work and expect that one day everything that we desire will be with us. We will achieve all our goals and will be the happiest person in the world. We keep working and working just to reach the destination call happiness. We sacrifice many things in life. We don’t want to waste a single minute by taking rest. We do not want to stop for a while.

This was what exactly happening to me. But then suddenly, I looked back to my last 12 years, since when I have started my job. I found, since I have started my professional life, every day I am working hard, taking lots of work pressure and all this time, I am telling myself that one day I will be happy. I will be happy when I will have everything that I desire. But I after analysis, I realize, that after getting almost everything that I desired, own house, a reasonably good car and a completely perfect family, but I have not arrived at the destination called happiness.

This has made me realize that the destination of happiness can never be reached. The secret is to find out a way to happiness along the way. We should work hard and also to learn the art of enjoying along. It took me a long time to realize, Happiness is not a destination, it’s a part of the journey. Don’t fall into the trap, wait, look around, start to enjoy with whatever you have.

With Warm Regards

MB Jr.

Author of the blog- https://www.motivationalarticle.com/

Hey both – how goes it all?

@ Genie. So glad to hear the antibiotics did the trick. I used to get so nervous at going to the doctors, they called it “white coat syndrome”. Pretty common apparently but makes it nigh on useless to go in for blood pressure readings! These days I really don’t suffer as badly, even through the recent breast cancer scare. The more knowledge & experience I’ve got with it, the less it makes me anxious anymore – one upside of getting older??!

Personally I don’t hold out much hope Boris will help things much, he’s easily my least favourite politician by a country mile tbh! But at least with the power vacuum gone there’s no excuses not to get on dealing with it all instead of just more talk I hope at least.

It does make sense about your anxiety flat-lining. It’s pretty amazing once you try a different approach and realise things can actually be different for you. What is it they say, insanity is repeating the same behaviour again and again but expecting a different outcome. Einstein I think?  By breaking your old behaviour, you’ve changed from simply reacting to events and needing to be in control to ‘protect’ yourself – to having a little bit of confidence in letting go and seeing that things can (and do! ) still turn out well. Awesome. I’m looking forwards to hearing what the next isodate is/was – you gotta be pretty excited you guys are dating, all be it at a distance?

I think travel will survive but it’ll change and it’ll be harder for a while whilst countries are understandably nervous about letting in potential re-infections. I am concerned I guess since UK has done so badly we’ll be one of the last countries people will want back but it’ll get there eventually. Travel is more a state of mind for me about being curious about everything ( drives Mr S nuts occasionally 🙂 ) so I’ll just find other things to be curious and learn about in the meantime! That said, there’s some awesome deals on right now and it’s very hard not to book & hope….

@Adelaide. Ah, loved hearing you had planned to travel this way – it’s so sad, there are so many people who had great plans who are having to wait it out a while yet. Absolutely I will be hitting you up for tips – local ideas and knowledge is always the best. I much prefer personal travel blogs to the official tourism/big travel industry sites, especially since I tend to like the lesser-known places. Show me a glass of good wine or beer after a great hike and I’m there 😉

I think it’s so cool she’s already thinking about how she could make cooking at hers work. It’s a wonderful feeling isn’t it, that someone is as excited about getting to know you better as you are about them. I love all the little surprises you guys are doing for each other. 5k is nothing – I had visions on you being on North island and she was on South! It’s actually kinda nice to build up the relationship before bringing the physical side into it to.  The first ‘real’ date will be so much easier but also so exciting!

Mmmm…..Malaysian food was delicious….it’s one thing I really miss being back in the UK, food tends to be so much better in the countries I travel in, especially healthy food. We’re good at solid food in the UK, pies, mash, sausages, so on. Lovely too in it’s own way but heavy and takes a lot of running to keep it off – especially once you are over 40!  We’ve been making ourselves some very tasty fresh spring rolls with spicy sauce for lunch, after having fell in love with them in Vietnam.  And how much would I like a Vietnamese ice coffee – those things were addictive…!

Take care both – look forwards to hearing how it all goes.

Hey @michelle and @genie

Good to hear from you both. I keep you in my thoughts daily looking at the news coming out of the UK. Absolutely dreadful! There is a great video circulating the internet comparing the UK and NZ government responses and it really highlights the starkness of it. I really hope you can see your families soon and you and everyone you know stay well. Look forward to sharing some great local tips when the time comes Michelle; hell, I’ll even pick up the tab if you come to my city! Good to hear you are treating yourself to some familiar cuisine. NZ food is very similar to the UK’s being a colony and all. I can’t believe people can still fly into the UK to be honest – I think our borders will be closed til at least next year… (speculating but wouldn’t be surprised). Lots of time to save up for a massive post pandemic travel splurge I guess!

Genie, genuinely so lovely to read about your anxiety disappearing lately, and how very exciting that you have now met Jays parents – virtually at least! Huge progress that you should be very proud of! So glad you are only looking forward now and deservedly looking forward to the possibilities the future holds! I hope the others are doing well too.

All good things to report on my front! The parcel she sent ended up being some treats from the local bakery, yum! I texted her to thank her and she joked about me bringing her breakfast in bed so I actually got food delivered to her house on a delivery app and she was so stoked; it was a really nice exchange.

We have got into a pattern of being contact throughout parts of the day now; most of the conversation is light and flirty, but we have also both shown a more vulnerable side which is nice. During a deeper conversation I expressed that to be honest I was a bit worried about my lack of experience physically and not meeting her expectations. She responded so kindly and gently, I was touched. She also told me directly that she liked me a lot and is really looking forward to meeting up in person, and I made it clear I feel the same!

So now it is just a matter of when… the government is making a decision to move down levels or not next Monday and so it is possible we could meet up later that week! But also depends on her sister as she is in a high risk category so may have to be careful. In the meantime, we have got into a nice pattern of isodate movie watching which I will happily keep up. But yeah it would be super nice to meet in person sooner rather than later, not gonna lie!

A potential lockdown love story… I have to chuckle, so on brand for me in terms of the ridiculousness of it all! Til the next installment, take care and thanks as always for your great support! I owe you both a lot. 🙂