Hi Alex,

Can I share some thoughts? I’m no expert but I have had some bad experiences and some good ones. Yes communication can be a challenge and sometimes people take it the wrong way and just react. I’ve had that. And, I know that sometimes I judge people because I have high standards or a different view or I may not like the person that much.

Words are 10% of communication so tone and body language can be a big influence. If you’re talking by text or internet be extra careful. Also a soft intro can set up the topic. Asking a question can help get engagement, such as,”I have a dress like that – do you want to know what I got for shoes?” vs. “You’re not wearing Those are you.” Another intro would be expressing understanding: “You must be so frazzled about your interview being tomorrow and you don’t have shoes – with those not working out.” Or “Can I say what I’m thinking? Can I be direct with you.” This sends the message that you are about to help.

If things don’t go well… “Wait – I’m sorry. Can we back up and try that again?” Would this sound more inclusive than “*I’m* sorry that *you* feel that way.”?

Does any of this make sense? I think I’m rambling now…. 🙂

Me – I’m trying to use more emotional intelligence (Goleman’s book helped I think) – the self-awareness part. Seeing how I feel and act and how the other person feels and acts. I’m also trying to chill out because I get up tight about stuff, more than I should. All of this hurts relationships. Yup I’ve done it in the past couple months – so don’t take me as an expert lol.You might reflect on why you are bumping into people, with a comment, then getting a reaction and then thinking why and it’s mostly on them. I know for me I get into trouble when I get my nose into other people’s business – justifying it in my mind because “I’m right” and “they need to change something.”

I hope this gives you at least a little bit to think about. If I missed your point and missed the mark please forgive me. And if you have any suggestions for me, I am all ears!

Oh I would be remiss if I left out “acceptance.” I’m learning – yes old dog new tricks who knew? – that by accepting myself fully, I can accept others fully for who they are. Just simple acceptance. Doesn’t mean I agree. Even if I think I’m right, my standards are different or I’m not really friends with the other person.

What are your thoughts?

Big blue

You are not responsible if you had no intent to hurt someones feelings.