Hi Glo,

The advice from Anita is good. I’d like to say a little more. The first thing, and perhaps the most important, to address your initial problem, something I learned only a few days ago, is to send love to those negative thoughts when they come, love them. They talk about sending love in response to hate because it “casteth out all darkness”, the same law applies within yourself too. You just have to try to catch it as soon as you can and respond with love, then stay in love mode as best you can, no need for any analysis of the negative thought, don’t try to get rid of it, that is just resistance resisting resistance, and what do you get- more resistance, so just love.

Another thing I’d like to say is they say that the universe burdens you only with what you can handle. It sounds like you did very well digging yourself out of the hole you were in. Well, now the universe has given you another opportunity to lift yourself even further into the light. I’m noticing this happen in my life frequently lately, as you grow you will often be faced with more ‘bad’ stuff in order to bring you to even deeper letting go. It’s natural to fall and to then beat yourself up (because the ego sees the progress you’ve made so how can you fall now!), just send love to that too. Also, it happens that the bitterness towards yourself from beating yourself up can be so intense that you end up firing it outwards towards others like when you said you seemed to be jealous of his attitude. Congratulations for being so open and honest for saying how you felt, I don’t think that’s something to regret, I’m sure if your boyfriend has the strength to be positive at this difficult time then he will be able to help you grow too. It all seems perfect from where I am (forgive me for saying so, I have no idea how difficult it must be). What I mean is that, I can see the perfection in all of it. Him coming to you at a point when you were ready to let more love into your life and to be more loving. It seems to me that the darkness is always given as a gift, which holds the potential to bring you to a place of more light, more love, more joy, if you would embrace it’s challenge. You have again been given this challenge.

Lastly, I would say do not condemn the cancer, because it’s part of his path. It sounds like it could be the catalyst for extraordinary growth for him, not to mention for you too. Just like you said, loving is what you are here to do, you are being called now to bring it to a higher level.

Best wishes,

Ben.