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Resiliency

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  • September 1, 2014 at 3:31 pm #64217
    Little Buddha
    Participant

    Tennis is an emotional game. No other sport quite like tennis makes my heart rise and fall at the plight of the two warriors on the court. Just today, watching Eugenie Bouchard battle Ekaterina Marakova, I couldn’t help but notice a strange feeling of defeat come over me when Bouchard was trailing Marakova 2 games to 4 having had already lost the first set 7-6. I was really cheering for Bouchard and couldn’t help feel pity for her struggle. I could sense frustration, shame, anxiety, and sadness. But was it mine, hers, or both? I had a hard time watching. I thought to myself, “Oh wow, why doesn’t she doesn’t quit now and make this pain go away?” But she didn’t quit. She continued playing. It wasn’t the best match of her career, but she regained some ground and eventually evened out the score to 4 games a piece in the second set. In the end, Bouchard lost in the end (7-6, 6-4).

    Bouchard’s loss doesn’t bother me. What bothers me, is my own lack of resiliency watching her play. Putting myself in her shoes, I wonder if I would have fared so well. When the tough got going, would I have played on? My past experience shows that I don’t have as much resiliency as I would like when it comes to stresses of life. Too many times have I buckled under pressure only to exit the scene prematurely.

    It’s all in your head, I know. With a game like tennis, it’s mind over matter. Even when I’m playing it myself, I can see myself feeling quite confident when I score a point, but then get very distracted and unfocused the moment I make an error.

    Ideally, I would not want to lose focus or become distraught, but more importantly, I’d like to be able to have enough resiliency to allow me to stick through the hardest times. I’ve heard it say a million times, “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.” And to be able to regain your footing and composure and loose gracefully, that for me is a true mark of success.

    What do you think? How would you rate your resiliency? How do you build more resiliency in life?

    September 1, 2014 at 5:40 pm #64218
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Little Buddha,

    Well, my resilience grew back a few months ago, when I was upset and stuck on a woman. TB helped me through the discomfort. In the process, I am now more resilient. Ta-dahh! Seriously – ta-dahhh! 🙂

    The key is to push ahead as much as you can despite things falling apart, or trying to fall apart.

    My childhood was very challenging – A lot of discomfort. I stuck by my values – hard work, honesty, friendship – and learned to cope with chaos.

    As a teen, I worked in a restaurant kitchen. This is good experience in handling diverse challenges including failure.

    My masters program was very challenging. I learned a lot about figuring out things on my own and with others, while under great pressure.

    Challenging myself in the gym has made me more resilient.

    There are and will be many more challenges that I will find uncomfortable. Like the one that brought me to TB. It’s a journey. 🙂

    A few tips for you to try:

    1. Get going even if you are anxious. You will figure it out once you are ‘in the game’ vs. procrastinating or giving up before starting.

    2. In real time, if the challenge seems large, break it down and take it a chunk at a time. In tennis this is a point.

    3. Realize that you will fail. And, you will learn from that failure. It may feel like suffering. It’s ok – this is accepting part of life.

    I was not much of a Phish fan, but I like The Line. It’s about choking in sports.

    You might watch other tough tennis matches to see how the players Handle it. You’ll see a range of people crying, throwing their rackets, and hugging their opponents.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Big blue.
    September 3, 2014 at 8:03 am #64324
    Little Buddha
    Participant

    Thanks Big blue.

    I’m hearing you say that adversity, challenges, and life experience have helped you build resiliency. With that, I can also hear Tony Horton’s words echo in my head, “Just keep pushing play”. 🙂

    Tennis matches do show the full range of human emotions and I think that’s why it appeals to me. Tennis players or atheletes in general can be great role models when it comes to resiliency and perseverance. It’s choosing the right one that’s key. Do I want to be a Pete Sampras? Roger Federrer? or perhaps a John McEnroe? (Probably not the latter) 😉

    September 3, 2014 at 10:54 am #64330
    Matt
    Participant

    Little Buddha,

    Consider that the joy isn’t in the winning or losing. A huzzah or some tears, winning and losing, rising and falling, momentary flashes of emotion. Love of the game and our partners keeps us going, brings us joy and contentment when the trophies or tissues are put away. Resiliency naturally blooms as we see, find, that we can be happy with whatever outcome happens. Sure, we try our best to win, strike, score, whatnot, but that won’t always happen… so we may as well find the joy in the sport of it. 🙂

    With warmth,
    Matt

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