Hi Danger

You need to work on your vocabulary. Otherwise, you might be in for regrets in the near future. Whatever we think about the most, we become that unfortunately. My experience tells me that the type of energy that we radiate onto others, comes back to us multi fold. So if you feel that you are not radiating positive energy in your posts, then it is time to change the focus. You dont have to be nasty to someone to make them aware of your innate feelings. I hope you will take some time to think about this. Many times, we do things without realising their consequences. And by the time we realise the consequences, it is often too late.

Best wishes,

J

Dear Zita,

I hope you’ll feel better soon. Do look into the possible dependency cycle – it is a sign of unhealthy self-esteem.

Additionally, this pain that you are feeling now is a normal reaction post-breakup . Believe me, these break-ups are nothing short of devastating…it feels like you lost a part of you but maybe this break-up will help you find that “breaking” moment where you come to peace with a lot of issues about yourself. Atleast my break-up was the final push for that process to begin. This desire to hold him is just that attachment from time the before…old habits, comforts, memories but it will fade as you move on.

Now i am not denying you wont cry, feel angry and think of calling him. But dont do it. He hasnt had the decency to answer and face you. I can tell you one thing though…you can trust others, despite the past, despite this pain. This person may not have had the maturity to handle your deepest secrets but that doesnt mean no one can. There was an error of understanding and thats how we learn in life on how to understand people better. It was a learning experience for you. There are good people out there who care.

This painful experience can teach you a lot about you. After my break-up, i eventually recovered parts of me that got lost while trying to make that relationship survive. I faced some of my inner demons. Over time, after a series of rebounds (funny stories bdw -_- oh the mistakes of youth *sighs*) and crying, angry looks at those “stupid happy couples”, pseudo-feminist tendencies (huh, i dont have a man. i need no man!), make-over, temporary weight-loss, wardrobe change, excessive career focus and finally, “yep, i like my own cozy single place but i dont mind sharing it”…i was done..you’ll have your phases too.

As for now, allow yourself to feel this pain, go numb, cry all you want…make your mistakes, then when you really are ready…get up, pick up the pieces and tell yourself that you’ve the guts to love again despite the chance your heart might break..When the time is really right, it will happen…be kind to yourself through this difficult time!

Good luck dear friend!

Zita,

I understand you are on an emotional rollercoaster as of late. What happened is not your fault. Loving other people is a wonderful thing.

The best advice I can offer is probably what you already know, its time to let go, and move on. How, you may ask? It can be as easy or as hard as you make it. Understand that you are a unique, beautiful girl that a hundred guys would fight for. You are not a woman who is defined by her past, and you are certainly not defined by your past relationships.

I know you feel like you made “mistakes” with this guy, but you cant beat yourself up about this because they arent mistakes at all. You cant predict the future Zita, you made the choices you did at the time because you were hoping for the best, you didnt actually have any intention of making a mistake right then and there. Consider it a lesson learned. I’ve been there too sister, I think everyone has trusted in the wrong person before, and believe me, falling in love certainly blurs everything for everybody else as well.

Zita, right now, you are totally free of this guy, you have a new fresh start on yourself. This is an exciting opportunity for you to do what you want to do, and grow as an individual.

Best of luck ZIta

Zita,

I ask you to look at the core issues for a healthier sense of self. This process, though life-changing is not recommended until you really decide for your sake..I must add: Break-ups, rebound and shifting focus faces are often similar for many 🙂 Its quite intriguing when i observe my friends having break-ups and seeing the similar coping mechanisms! You’re doing fine 🙂

As for remembering the good stuff, it isnt a bad thing per say. in the end, despite all the bad, remember that this experience was a stepping stone in your understanding. This man wasnt the best for you but you did get to feel some wonderful emotions too. Over time, your heart will catch up with your mind and make you truly accept that this had to end. Be patient. The storm shall pass.. You’ll have newer insight once this painful phase subsides. Remember, you’re a strong, sensible person who is seeing her share of ups and downs in life. This is just a part of that journey.

Lots of love,
Jess

Dear Zita,

You arent bothering me 🙂 Dont worry about that atleast!

Consider this thought very deeply – “Holding on to anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. Deep down, you’re still attached to him, arent you? Earlier to make you feel good and now to make you feel like all this suffering has some meaning. Seeing him so normal and happy fills you with rage because it makes your emotions seem out of place. Since you cant do anything about how he feels, you want to take out that anger on yourself..perhaps hoping that if you hurt yourself enough, he’ll finally notice your pain and it will be worthwhile. The more you hold on to him, the worse it will feel.

No matter how painful this will sound, i will say this to you – Perhaps he has moved on much before you. Perhaps he will find someone else and forget you. Zita, you can only live your life. He cant live your feelings or thoughts. You’re still attached him though. Do you honestly think this one person is worth so much of trouble?

Isnt there more to you than wanting to hurt this person by hurting yourself?

Please do understand that such feelings, including many more will crop up. Remember that you’re not only your feelings alone. There is a long way to go and giving so much power to one person over your well-being is something you need to think about. Right now, i would suggest you start with metta meditation and stay busy – make plans, keep doing something fun and journal a lot as well. Two things that really helped me was dancing, exercise and walks in nature with some soothing music on. I used to pray a lot when i felt really sad and alone. I admit i used to imagine God in pink with those golden clouds and a orange unicorn and it was pretty nice to talk to him.

For now, try to avoid any contact with him – dont check his facebook or try to find out about him. Its harder said than done but it will aid in your recovery. The more you work on yourself, the better your world will begin to feel. These thoughts will subside once you start calming down. I know that is just a temporary thing and you’re a very sensible person. You’re going to be alright.

Who knows, maybe if you meet him after a few months, he might be amazed at how much cooler/comfortable you’ve become with yourself? That could be a positive way to make him realize what he lost 😛 and that change will help you for life.

Think about it 🙂