Hi Molly,

It is awesome that you care and want to continue to be compassionate to him. Maybe part of you wants him in your life but there are issues. If you two tried unsuccessfully to resolve those issues, and staying apart makes sense, then I think the compassionate thing is actually to stop communicating.
I was in a committed relationship but there were some big issues we could not solve despite trying hard for a long time. The issues got much worse. It was negatively affecting us including my health so I had to break up. Now a year later I got a text saying she knows I am ok but she loves me and she is not ok. I texted back that people move on every day and she needs to do this – no discussion and I blocked her number. Some might say this was harsh but there is zero chance of us getting back together, and as long as she says what she said, there is also no feasible chance to be friends, so I avoid places she goes to, etc. Does this make sense?
You are not me and you have a different situation, but is this the type of fork in the road you are facing?
If I could add a bit more than my two cents, also having some experience with the emotional tug of war you are having with yourself, please focus on being compassionate mostly with yourself. This will clearly help you to get through this no matter which way you go, and it may also give you the answer that fits your head and your heart.

Hi Molly,

You haven’t even said if you want to be friends with this person? It’s hard to become friends with an EX as deep down there will always be some connection to that person in a level that exceeds basic friendship.

I think that we can have civil relations with our EX partners but it’s very difficult to become close with them without one person getting hurt.

You should think about what you want. You need to put your own needs first. We can only look out for ourselves in these situations.

If you feel like you want that friendship then maybe you should reach out, but do it for you not for them.