Hi all! I’m looking for some perspective on this and will do my best to keep it brief. 🙂 Thanks in advance.

Hubs and I have been married for 18 years. His job, non-military, relocates every few years usually for promotions. Since having children, 7 and 9 yrs old now, we move more frequently. Somewhat understandably to me because I no longer work outside the home. Changes within the industry have pretty much forced hubby to take a promotion at the main office in another city/state. We see him on the weekends and he works out of the house….one week a month.

Current location, we have only been here for one year but it is a place we lived prior to having children. So we have many friends and most have children the same age….it has been the best move, personally and home-life, yet. Professionally, the position in the other city/state is the best. Another difference is the job is in a capital city (lots of driving time, traffic, and all the fun stuff/challenges that big cities bring). Current place called ‘home’ is a community of less than 60,000 people and somewhere we all feel that we are a part of the community, rather than visitors to it.

I’m conflicted and I’m also tired of moving. We’ve moved 3 times (different city/state) in the past 5 years. There’s more to life than the career and I understand the stress that hubby feels with being the sole provider for the four of us. His traveling, over the past 5 years, has been all over the world. So, with that, I haven’t felt comfortable in trying to find a job because I feel that I need to be readily available for the kids. I also haven’t worked the typical 9 to 5 job atmosphere for over 9 years….so a bit nervous about that too. No family in the area. Our friends all work too. So support after school with the kids is minimal at best, I’d need to find something that I have to pay for…as many parents do.

Any questions on what I’ve shared…feel free to ask because I know I’ve omitted some things in the attempt to keep the post short.

So why is this such a big thing now? Hubs mentioned last night, on the phone, that someone asked if we were getting ready to move again. His reply? “I’ve got two choices. Work out of ***** and move OR quit my job of 18 years, find another and don’t move.” Eighteen years with one company is a big investment on our part and also theirs. He is prepared to live out of a hotel and suitcase for the next year. I won’t sugar-coat this and say it is easy with him being gone because it isn’t. We miss him terribly. However, the flip side of that coin….he’s always been a work-aholic which I’m so tired of. Even when I did work, he was salary and CHOSE to put in 12-15 hour days. I feel most days that he is such an outsider in our family. Its me and the kids then he’s off by himself.

I appreciate his hard work. We know people in the other city as well, just can’t get together often to do things as everyone are sooo spread out all over the metropolis and it has to be scheduled. Versus here, we can call someone and say let’s go grab dinner.

Hubby has a great positive attitude and I know he’s not wanting to be away from us. Personally, I don’t feel he’s very ‘present’ with us when here but I know the past few years in the industry have been very stressful.

I’m torn. I question how selfish it is of me to not want to relocate, am I not being supportive of hubby if I say ‘no way’. This would be the 9 year-old’s 4th elementary school. And while both kids excel academically, they’ve also managed making friendships…more difficult this move with the 9 year-old as kids have their ‘groups’ now.

So, I’m emotionally close to this and having a difficult time getting a different view of things. I mentioned to hubby that I was researching houses and he became so excited, asking if I was ready to move in a couple of weeks to the city….I felt sick inside. Every move, we typically have 2 months (at the most) to find a house, neighborhood, schools, etc…..I really have no other feeling to relate to at the moment except to say I feel exhausted. When we move, it is the kids and I who start over with school and life in general….I’m the one that gets everything set up. Hub works, knows most everyone at every location so there’s always a support system in place for him….where it feels that the kids and I are left hanging to deal with it. Yes a little resentment on my part but I’m also the one saying “sure we can move” when we do relocate.

This relocation would also put us closer to family but having lived away from them for 18+ years….can’t say that it really impacts us and how we all live. There’s a lot left out on that (my mom is elderly, health issues for 30 years but was/is abusive to her children and now I know she has been towards some of the grandkids as well.) My sisters and their families live in the same town as my mom; know they feel obligated to be there for her and sometimes resentful of me for not living there. Big age difference, 9 and 11 years older than me and their children are all adults. A considerable amount of things came to light after my father passed on which I haven’t found peace and forgiveness with yet….working on that. BUT that’s a completely different topic. 🙂

If you made it this far, thanks for reading my short novella! Once again, any questions please feel free to ask and I look forward to different perceptions/perspectives to consider. Thanks so much.