It looks like an interesting read, but I’m skeptical as to the claim that any research would allow, “…people to free themselves from the anxieties and burdens imposed on them by the current social order.” While it may explain why we are the way we are, the what and how are still going to be hard to come by.

I have struggled with issues of monogamy and promiscuity and I know that it’s largely due to my upbringing and the values that I was raised with. (Free love was just never in my vocabulary.) And even though I support sexual freedoms and perhaps am even I envious of those who can take sex so casually, having had my critical developmental years indoctrinated with fairly conservative and overly romanticized views on love, sex, and marriage, there’s certain things I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let go of even though I rationally know that they don’t make sense. Feelings usually trump reason.

When it comes to sexuality and relationships, I think the biggest missing piece is positive sexual and relationship role models. To be honest, I can’t name one of the top of my head, either personal or popular. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t suffered, been burden, or become anxious because of their sexual experiences and relationship issues. If this book paints a picture of what a healthy sexual relationship looks like in practice in the real world, I’d love to see it.

With that said, I really do appreciate the recommendation and I will try to put on it my reading list, and even perhaps come back with my own review.

So I picked up the book last night and read the first couple of chapters, the rest of the book I just perused. I’ve read about the history of sex and the science of sex before, so a lot of this was not new.

I don’t mean to curb anyone’s enthusiasm and you’ll have to forgive me because I’m in a somewhat cynical place today when it comes to relationships, but I think it takes the right kind of emotional and mental space to be able to appreciate this kind of text.

I understand completely where this book is coming from. I spent years in a sexless marriage with five years of couples therapy and one of the reasons I left that relationship was with the promise of sexual exploration and gratification beyond its confines. Thinking myself free of my marriage as well as the sexually morays instilled by my family and society as a whole, what did I find on the other side? More pain, more suffering, more anxiety. Turns out, that despite wanting to break free of social constructs, I’m still very much a prisoner of my mind.

Satisfying my sexual needs without suffering the pain of loss, guilt, shame, anxiety, stress, jealousy, fear of abandonment, and unhealthy attachment is something that runs deeper than simply understanding the sociological, historical, psychological, and evolutionary development that have made me the person I am today. It’s one thing to say I’m not going to subscribe to this formula that’s been imposed on me and then actually have to deal with the emotional and psychological repercussions that made you turn against the tide in the first place.

I struggle with finding the right balance between immediate sexual gratification and the desire for a long term monogamous relationship where I hope to build a family, find stability, companionship, and an authentic and profound emotional connection.

I applaud all books like this one who challenge our traditional views on sex and relationships, but I think it’s going to be at an evolutionary pace and not a revolutionary one that will move me towards becoming a more wholesome sexual being.

I agree, connecting with other open-minded people is key and I try to do that in all aspects of my life. Sex is not a topic of public discourse often enough and I myself would probably struggle with it face to face in a group setting. If this book prompts a dialogue and allows people to learn from the positive experience of others, I think that would be great.