Building relationships is the cornerstone of a prosperous life, community and society. It is through builiding and maintaining effective, lasting and mutually beneficial relationships that any endeavour becomes much more likely to produce desirable results.

The framework upon which any positive and lasting relationship is built begins with an understanding of our own conditioning in regards to our communication with others. Are you predisposed to certain biases or fundamental discriminations based on the immediate circumstances with which you are presented? The easiest to identify would be those related to race, creed or social stature. First and foremost you must understand that any preconceived notion of another person’s capacity to contribute or not contribute to your life begins in your mind and is based on inherited beliefs, on old conditioning which most likely no longer serves you. As a tool to combat any bias or to overcome this conditioning, consider this poignant quote;

“The opportunity for brotherhood presents itself every time you meet a human being.”
-Jane Wyman

If you clear away the conditioning and regard each and every new person you meet as a vessel to unknown potential greatness through the exchange of ideas and collaborative efforts, then you are poised to maximize the relationship for mutual benefit right from the start.

This conscious awareness of the immediate opportunity must be followed with a commitment to grow your capacity as an effective communicator. Webster’s defines effective as ‘in a condition to produce desired results; efficient, powerful’ while defining communication as ‘a means of passing information from one place to another; a connecting passage.

That initial connection and the continued development of your relationship is dependent on your willingness and open-mindedness to develop a connecting passage between yourself and this other individual to openly transfer images, thoughts and creative ideas in an efficient and powerful manner with as little hindrance or interruption as possible. You must choose to be consciously aware of your intent, to be honest and willing, and embrace your capacity for effective communication. It is through effective communication that any relationship is nurtured to grow to its full potential.

Effective Communication can be best achieved through the following principles;

Breaking the Indifference or Preoccupation Barrier;
Creating an atmosphere of ease to encourage expression;
Identifying the most important questions on the other person’s mind;
Using Intelligent Questions;
Building Trust through emotional mirroring;
Deep empathic listening focused on what someone means rather than just what they say;

These particular principles may seem daunting at first and you may be wondering; how can I accomplish this? You may be communicating an idea clearly through words and gestures from your conscious mind, clearly enough that you expect the other person to understand fully. You may say to yourself ‘I used logical examples and made complete sense’, and yet there may be a look of bewilderment or some sort of emotional conflict and you are asking yourself ‘What do I do now? I communicated clearly and effectively’. Well, it begins with understanding the vibrational quality of your thoughts, particularly on the subconscious level. What many people have difficulty identifying is this emotional energy that is exchanged beneath the level of words and gestures, on an emotional level you are communicating a vibratory freuency based on your dominant state of mind and your level of emotional commitment to a concept. If your words, gestures and illustrations are not in harmony with your emotional quality on the subconscious level, a sort of discord occurs; the flow of thoughts and energy are disrupted and distorted and clarity can be lost or abandoned.

We would like to suggest that you play a game with the next person you meet. Choose a topic, an idea you are passionate about, something which you can barely contain yourself in regards to talking about. We suggest that, with the next person you meet, engage them in a conversation about this passion of yours by asking questions. Try to maintain the intensity of the conversation purely through emotional vibration while allowing the other person to carry on with most of the dialogue. Commit to listening and encouraging the other person to continue sharing. Experience the words and ideas beneath them on a new level. Make this person understand your commitment to listen to them. Imbue your passion for the topic without judging their perspective or even offering your own unless asked. If you are asked, share a positive reflection to lead back to listening to their perspective. Choose trigger words that will almost ‘cue’ the other person’s emotional commitment to increase. Watch their passion grow and witness the power of vibration and the subconscious mind’s emotional commitment at work. It will be truly amazing.

Once you have had this experience you are poised to to communicate more effectively as you will have become more consciously aware of the flow of energies and thoughts between yourself and others on a brand new, subconscious level. This is fundamental to your growth as an effective communicator and needs to be practiced regularly in order to remove any of the old conditioning that may bleed into your new found capacity for relationship building. These old conditions, these inherited belief structures, no longer serve your higher purpose yet will still make their way into your mind at times. These conditions may be, but are not limited to;

Distraction;
Past experience and knowledge;
Ambiguous words, jargon or complicated phrasing;
Personal prejudice or self-interest;
Social status or assumed authority;
Your speed of thought vs your speed or speaking;
Making assumptions or passing judgement;
Discord between your emotional state and your words or actions;

Identify your conditions and how they affect your technique in building relationships. Each of the above hindrances can usually be overcome with a repeated affirmation of your commitment to being willing, open-minded and honest with others and yourself, of your commitment to not provide your point of view until told that you completely understand the other person and of your commitment to your values determining your attitude rather than allowing circumstance to determine your mood. This clarity provides you the opportunity to make more poignant and mutually beneficial decisions much more quickly and effectively.

Through this process, we hope you broaden your awareness that it is in our interactions with others that our highest form of learning takes place; learning about people, thought, life and yourself.

Create some Fire and Pass the Torch,

The Kanary Team
http://www.johnkanary.com